By Jason Menard

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t care who — or how — the Mountie has mounted. And unless he abused his authority, neither should anyone else.

The RCMP in British Columbia has launched a code-of-conduct investigation of one of its own, following the on-line publication of sexually explicit photos of an officer. And if this investigation fails to turn up anything suggesting that this officer used his position in an inappropriate way to coerce sexual favours out of partners, then I certainly hope that our BDSM Mountie turns around and spanks the RCMP in a court of law.

The investigation was prompted by the fact that sexually explicit photos of an RCMP officer were posted on the Internet. These photos included images of bondage and torture, including some depicting simulated violence. As a result, the RCMP has launched its investigation and one group, the Missing Women Commission of Inquiry, seems to be questioning this officer’s role in the Robert Pickton investigation.

According to AM980’s report, a psychologist wondered, “what do you think this is going to do to the families of missing women when they found out this guy was involved even minimally in this (Pickton) investigation, and he’s engaged in this kind of behaviour and his employer is minimizing it…”

I guess this is bad news for our police officers and those in the legal profession – it’s the missionary position or nothing for you! Apparently anything more risqué puts you at risk for jugement from the outside.

Look, I’m not into BDSM personally (I don’t like pain at the best of times), but I have no problem with consenting adults who are. It’s not abhorrent, it’s not deviant – it’s just sex. And if two (or more) adults consent to an activity without pressure, who are we to say it’s right or wrong?

Who knows what our neighbours are up to behind closed doors (or even out in public)? And to insinuate that your interests in the boudoir have an impact on how you perform your job is an insult to hard-working officers anywhere.

Furthermore, to suggest that an officer may compromise his pursuit of a degenerate mass murderer simply because he likes a little rough play in the bedroom is offensive. And if you’re going to make that leap, why not suggest that his baton work in the line of duty may be improved by his between-the-sheets experience.

We all wear different masks throughout the day (and some of us literally wear masks at night!). Who we are at work is not who we are at home. Our base elements remain the same, but our baser instincts don’t necessarily come through.

Personally, I’m not going to hold a knife to my wife’s throat. But if this type of role-play is what floats this couple’s boat, then who am I to judge? As long as both partners are consenting and no one is being forced into something for which they’re uncomfortable, then who are we to judge?

I thought we were coming to an age where sexuality was not so much of an issue. The most talked-about book right now isn’t some tween vampire novel or boy wizard tome – it’s a Mommy Porn ode to BDSM. Historically our literature is rife with stories of what goes on behind the curtains – especially here in Calvinist Ontario, where those most vocal in their criticisms of others’ sexuality tended to be the most deviant when the doors were closed.

So why should the RCMP get involved? It’s not as if the officer was performing these acts in the trademarked red outfit. Personally, I think that Dudley Do-Right had more of a negative impact on the image of the Mountie than one kinky officer.

There’s another argument that officers are held to a higher standard than others and our societal expectations are greater of them.

Sorry, that’s bull. Who of us determines what’s right? Who amongst us gets to draw the line in the sexual sand? Is it missionary or bust? Close our eyes and do it for the Queen? Can we only copulate for the purposes of procreation – and even then we can’t enjoy it?

In Quebec, we have the Office de la Langue Français – an annoying watchdog that loves nothing more than busting anglo businesses for not using a large enough French font. Is it time now to implement a National Boudoir Patrol? Highly trained officers whose job it is to sit at the end of the bed and watch to make sure we’re not getting into anything too kinky?

“Lights off? Very good. We wouldn’t want you to see anything to stimulating. Nipple biting? That’s a no-no! And don’t even think of reaching for that ‘toy’. That’s punishable by death.”

I hate to make light of a topic that some obviously are taking seriously. But until I see one shred of evidence that this officer abused his authority and power to coerce his partners into behaviour against their will, then I don’t see an issue. And to suggest his interest in bondage is in any way akin to what Pickton did is an affront to all sexual beings across this land.

If anything, we should apologize to this officer for the fact that a very personal and private part of his life has been exposed – likely to ridicule amongst the frat-boy confines of his fellow officers. I’m guessing he didn’t show up to work in nipple clamps and a ball gag, so it’s safe to say he effectively separated his personal and professional lives.

Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau said it in 1967 and 45 years later, it still rings true: “There’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation.” I don’t expect you to care what me and my wife do between the sheets and I certainly don’t care what you do. Most importantly, your bedroom gymnastics and preferences would have absolutely no impact on my opinion of you, or how you do your job.

Until proven otherwise, perhaps we should give this officer the same level of respect. The only inappropriate conduct in this case, so far, has been the supercilious judgement of one man’s sexual preferences.