By Jason Menard

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. And while that may be true, who decided that we needed to have a special designation for each and every grain?

I’m all for a good celebration, but perhaps we’ve gone a little too far. I know, in our modern culture, everyone is special and everyone should be recognized – but aren’t we setting the bar a little low in terms of what counts as a holiday, festival, or celebration?

Today, for instance, is the World Day of Prayer. I can get behind that. I mean, I’m not religious (see this item — we’ll stick with Spiritual Agnostic), but I’m totally down with a day that encourages women of all cultures, races, and nationalities to come together to celebrate their faith. I’d like it even more if they invited other faiths to join in and allow everyone to pray to whichever deity they choose in a great big spiritual hootenanny – but we’ve got to start somewhere.

Of course, you may not have time for the World Day of Prayer because it’s March Forth and Do Something Day (get it? March Forth… March 4^th. Oh those clever fake holiday makers). Maybe you can combine the two by not procrastinating when it comes to praying.

Too bad you missed What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day (which, apparently, was yesterday)! To me, that’s not a day worthy of an observance – that’s an observation that people make, usually after a few puffs on something not quite legal.

South of the border, this week alone it’s National Cheerleading Week, National Ghostwriters Week, National Write a Letter of Appreciation Week, and Universal Human Beings Week – and that’s a light week overall. That’s in addition to the 55 monthly designations ranging that have been assigned – or assumed – by various organizations.

In fact, there are so many celebrations out there that it’s exhausting just to keep up – thank goodness March is also National Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month.

The problem is that, while some are good-natured and not meant to be taken seriously (at least I hope Potty Dance Day isn’t meant to be taken seriously), the overabundance of days, weeks, and months serve to diminish those actual events, memorials, and observances that should carry more weight.

Who decides these days, anyways? I know there are various government bodies that are responsible for proclamations, assigning of ‘days,’ and, of course, actually putting into law statutory holidays. But I think it’s time that we have an independent body put into place that weighs the merit of each and every day, week, or month, and then actually enacts some sort of official decree.

The committee, made up of actual people with common sense, would review each submission, determine the value of the day and the likelihood that people will actually recognize it, then determine which one gets the honour.

Some would be no-brainers: November 11^th, Remembrance Day. Sorry Bonza Bottler Day (which happens every month when the day and the date are the same number, such as 11/11). Others could be tougher. After all, we don’t just want to commemorate – we do need to celebrate! So some of those goofy days could see the light of day – they’d just have to earn their keep by actually having someone other than its originator recognize it.

And, of course, there’d have to be at least one day – a day of rest. Where nothing’s celebrated at all. No need to ponder Deep Vein Thrombosis Month, or Pencil Day. Just a day without a Day.

Or maybe I just need to wait until March 9^th. After all, apparently that’s national “Get Over It” Day.