Tag Archives: gay

Exposure Key to Gay Acceptance

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By Jason Menard

Tim Hardaway just told it like it is. The question isn’t why should we be shocked that these attitudes towards homosexuals exist, but rather why should we think that attitudes have changed that much?

Say what you want about Hardaway’s comments, but the retired basketball player simply expressed his true feelings, without the layers of innuendo, politically correct speak, and evasion that so many others have. In response to a question regarding former NBA player John Amaeche’s recent announcement that he is gay, the retired point guard stated “I hate gays.”

He admitted that he was a homophobe and simply stated that he’d rather not associate with homosexuals. Forward thinking? No. Honest, yes. And you know what, I’d rather people who have these attitudes be honest and up front about them. At least then you know where they stand.

Homosexuality is the final frontier. It’s the last acceptable bastion of intolerance. Imagine what would have happened had the table been turned and a white player had said, in regards to Tim Hardaway, “I hate black people.” Sure, Hardaway’s been removed from any NBA public relations events, but that’s tantamount to a slap on the wrist.

I hate gays. That’s about as honest as can be. But what’s worse: Hardaway’s ill-informed, but heartfelt belief, or other statements like the gem that’s destined to live on in infamy uttered by Philadelphia 76ers forward Shavlik Randolph who said, “as long as you don’t bring your gayness on me that’s fine.” Or the half-assed argument levied by LeBron James who said it would be hard to trust a player who wasn’t honest about themselves and how that wouldn’t be conducive to a team dynamic.

It’s all a bunch of crap. It’s all intolerance and it’s all something that wouldn’t be tolerated by anyone if the issues were about colour or gender. But sexuality is our last taboo. And it’s not just in the testosterone-heavy sports world that we see this type of ignorance.

It’s on our school yards. One would have hoped things have progressed from the times in my youth where, in our fits of ignorance, we made jokes about this new disease about AIDS. We were young, we were struggling with our emerging sexualities, and the easiest way to ensure that you weren’t called a “fag” was to assert your masculinity through what’s tantamount to gay bashing. My son, in grade seven, has heard the same type of language bandied about in 2007. Fag, homo, queer are used as derogative terms in a way that racial epithets would never be tolerated.

Then we wonder why so few people come out?

And that’s part of the problem. People are afraid of what they don’t know. I can honestly say that I was never knowingly exposed to a gay person until I reached university. I know that’s probably not true, but I met the first person that I met who was “out” after high school. Since then, I’ve had the distinct pleasure to call many homosexuals my friends – not because they’re gay, but because they’re good people. Prior to that, I was the same as many others – joining in with gay jokes without thought of their consequence. After all, it’s easy to be insensitive when you haven’t been sensitized.

But since that time, I’ve met gay family members, friends, and associates. Their sexuality or mine has never been an issue. We would speak about our respective partners, mine being my wife, theirs being their boyfriend or girlfriend, as if there was nothing in the world strange about it – and the reason is because there is nothing in the world strange about it.

The unfortunate part is that the world around homosexuals is strange about them. Being gay isn’t catching. You either are or aren’t. I’ve seen homosexual couples kiss and yet never had the urge to find a guy to lock lips with. When gay marriage was made legal, it didn’t impact me in any way, shape, or form. I did not leave my wife in search of a same-sex union.

So why would playing sports with a gay teammate be any different? Having been in my share of locker rooms, both playing sports and covering them, I know that the behaviour displayed in there is certainly nothing that would be considered arousing. Put it this way: the gay guy in the locker room is probably not interested in the puerile, armpit-fart-noise making, towel-snapping, vulgar heterosexual teammate.

Yet there’s still this great fear – the fear of the unknown. But maybe that will change one day. Just as white people learned that there’s nothing wrong with associating with black people, so too maybe will heterosexuals learn that sexuality has nothing to do with how we interact. Sure, there will always be those who remain ignorant – just as there are those who hate people because of the colour of their skin or think that women are inferior to men just because of their genitalia. But maybe the rest of us can grow and learn.

On the playground, my son remains confused because his experience with homosexuals differs from what he hears on the playground. The anger and vitriol with which his friends characterize homosexuals doesn’t wash with his real-life experience with our friends and family members. And that won’t change until parents learn and share their experiences with their children. It’s all about education and familiarization.

Maybe we can learn to appreciate each other for what we are. And it starts with exposure. From musicians coming out, to TV actors, to sports athletes – when we that sexuality doesn’t have any impact on our icons’ ability to perform, then maybe we’ll get over this hang-up.

After all, whether it’s dribbling a basketball or filling out a report, the only thing that matters is your skills and talents – not who shares your bed at night.

2007© Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

New Year – 10 Per Cent More Gay

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By Jason Menard

Jan. 16, 2006 — I went away over the Christmas and New Year’s holidays and came back a changed man. Yes, the numbers 2006 add up to 10 per cent more gay!

Now before you go all a-titter – and for those of you who are sitting there saying, “I always thought he was gay” – I’m still happily married to my wife, and the instructions on my hardware still read insert Tab A into Slot B. No, my transition in to the world of homosexuality has been facilitated by and limited to one word: product.

A revolution in personal grooming from the Neanderthal to the Metrosexual is upon me – and I’ve never felt better.

Like many guys, I’ve never place a priority on myself in terms of grooming. Sure, I’ve styled my hair (with varying degrees of success) and take a shower every day (I even use soap). But the idea of using specific products for various tasks was foreign to me. In fact, I always thought that the forces behind the grooming industry were just these Machiavellian marketing execs laughing as they invented new terms – and with them new products – for our grooming needs.

That was until I tried a few. Now I’m hooked.

Like a senior citizen being dropped on the Information Superhighway, I was flummoxed and lost every time I found myself confronted with concepts like moulding putty and exfoliation crèmes. And just as that senior will run back to the record player to return to the comfort of their Tommy Dorsey 78’s, I returned to the relative security of my cheap gel and bar soap.

But slowly, quietly things started to change. I would make gentle forays into the world of personal betterment. If I ran out of my soap, then I’d reach for my wife’s body wash. And with what was I to apply it with? A loofah of course. It didn’t hurt, so I was able to be more bold with my metrosexual ventures.

Even television conspired to help me through the transition. Shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy showed not only that certain products and procedures could help men look and feel better – but also showed you how to use them. Knowledge was growing and all I needed was the opportunity.

And then came the New Year. Staying at the home of a gay couple, opportunity availed itself to me. A host of products just waiting to be used, exploited, and enjoyed. And, with my wife eagerly encouraging my experimentation, it happened.

First it was a bit of moulding putty in the hair as opposed to cheap gel. With a, “welcome to the 21 st century,” my wife supported my transition from my 1980s comfort zone to the world of technology. Next came an exfoliant and a moisturizer. And the transformation was complete.

Well, almost. You see, I’ve retained enough of that Neanderthal man in me to resist paying the ludicrous prices that companies charge for these products. So I’ve baby-stepped into the world of affordable skin care.

It’s a difficult transition for many men to make, but it really shouldn’t be. After all, when technology brings us the next gadget, don’t we run out and get it? While we’re playing our PlayStation 2s aren’t we secretly wondering what the next generation console will be like? Look at the crowds for the Xbox 360 when it was released. Why do we not get as excited when technology advances our grooming products?

So while we’re comfortably on the cutting edge of certain aspects of our lives, other parts live in the dark recesses of our consciousness. Damn it, we used gel in high school, it’s still good today, right? Well, yes and no. Many of us also used mousse in the 80s and few of us are willing to relive that Flock of Seagulls feathered do again.

No, styles, products, and attitudes change. The rugged Marlborough Man transitioned into the singing Irish Spring guy, who has now followed the evolutionary path all the way to metrosexuality. These days, rugged must be seasoned with a healthy dose of refinement.

I’m slowly buying into the idea. I still draw the line at eyebrow tweezing, but that’s less about aesthetics and more about pain. I’m 10 per cent more gay and it feels great! And best of all, my wife likes it – and that’s a reward in itself.

2006© Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Being Gay in Sports Tougher on Men

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By Jason Menard

Sheryl Swoopes, arguably the greatest female basketball player on the planet, has come out of the closet. But what must have been a trying and gut-wrenching decision for her to go public with her sexuality gets met with a collective yawn from the sporting public.

So why is it that female athletes can come out and be greeted with a “been-there-done-that” reaction from the world at large, yet the male sporting world remains suspiciously devoid of prominent gay athletes? It’s a combination of the public’s double-standard of sexuality for men and women, and the stone-age throwback macho mentality that permeates sports.

Swoopes, like others female athletes in the past like Amelie Mauresmo and Martina Navratalova, will continue her dominance of the sport. She’ll be lauded for her bravery and then relegated to the back pages of the sports section from whence she came. All the while, the clock continues to tick as anxious sports writers keep an eye on the closet door for that first high-profile male to peek his head around the corner.

Forget sports, homosexuality in male team sports is truly the final frontier. But why is it different? Why is it acceptable to the public for a woman to be gay and not for a man? It’s hard to say, but much of it has to go to public perception.

Lesbianism is almost chic these days. Modern media is rife with Sapphic sensuality. The male-dominated marketplace swallows up this imagery as titillation – despite the obvious fact that there are just two more girls who aren’t interested in them! Is it a penetration thing? Is the idea of women being with women more visually appealing to most than the thought of two men copulating – despite the acts being inherently the same at their root?

Or is it because we’re accustomed to displays of affection between women? Whether it’s holding hands walking down the street, dancing together, or calling each other “girlfriend,” women have been far more liberal in their ability to express affection. Now try picturing a man referring to his drinking buddy as his “boyfriend” or comforting each other after a sad movie – it doesn’t happen.

It’s why Ellen Degeneres can host a wonderful talk show that millions enjoy without her sexuality mattering, as it should be. But where are all those gay male hosts and actors? Why is it so much of a challenge to come out?

In a sporting environment it’s even worse. Locker rooms are rife with “fag” and “homo” jokes and comments, there are strict protocols of where your eyes can linger in the shower (keep ‘em above the waist), and overt displays of masculinity bordering on the puerilistic are considered essential for team-building — so much so that for many players, the idea of having a gay teammate is anathema.

It’s sad to think that the next person who comes out while playing professional sports like football, hockey, or baseball, will be considered a trail-blazer. It’s a poor commentary on our society that in 2005 we’re still not comfortable with the concept of love that we’ve yet to come to a time when a gay athlete can feel comfortable coming out of the closet, not because of the public perception – but rather because of the perception amongst the very people he’s gone to war with on the playing field.

Being gay or straight doesn’t affect your ability to play a sport any more than being black or white does. And in a sporting environment wherein even a comment that may or may not be misconstrued as being racist is met with swift and decisive action, rampant homophobia and borderline gay-bashing can run unchecked and be used as a source of humour.

We need to stop thinking that gay males are sexual deviants looking to ravage unsuspecting heterosexuals at the next available opportunity. The gay athlete that hasn’t taken any interest in his straight teammate is certainly not going to turn into a molesting deviant preying on his teammates once he comes out of the closet. He’ll just be like everyone else – a person looking for love.

And even if your teammate finds you attractive, what’s really wrong with that? Most of us aren’t running the risk of finding ourselves on the cover of GQ anytime soon, so we should be kneeling down and thanking whatever deity or spiritual force we believe in that someone – anyone – thinks we’re not half-bad looking. Hell, I thank my lucky stars that my beautiful wife thinks I’m attractive – anything else is just gravy! The fact is we’re all human, gay or straight, and we have the choice to say yes or no to suitors of either sex. It doesn’t diminish our sexuality in one iota – so where’s the problem?

There’s a double-standard of gayness in our society and it’s something that has to end. Male-male, female-female, either way we should accept the fact that two people have found happiness with each other, regardless of what they’ve got below the belt. The women have figured it out. Now it’s the men’s – and the rest of society’s — turn.

Sports is just a game, but until we live in a world where sexuality is irrelevant to judging a person’s worth on the field or off, then we’re all losers in the game of life.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

A Matter of Love

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By Jason Menard

It’s at times like these when I’m embarrassed to call myself a heterosexual.

Here we are again, debating the validity of gay marriage with our political representatives debating how they will vote. Once again, we are being overwhelmed by a swarm of political rhetoric and religious posturing. And we have our elected representatives deluged with e-mails on the topic.

But somewhere in all of this, common sense and humanity have been thrown out the window.

We live in an allegedly tolerant society. In fact, the framework of Canada has been developed on the basis of a cultural mosaic philosophy – wherein we accept all comers and encourage them to embrace their ethnicity, history, and individuality. This, if anything, is our Canadian identity and is one of the largest things that set us apart from our neighbours to the south and their Melting Pot mentality.

Thus, if we are willing, and in fact encouraged to be tolerant to other races, religions, and creeds, why does the same courtesy not extend to the concept of sexuality?

Truly ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can come about from gay marriage? Where does the tear in our country’s moral fabric come from when you allow two people of any gender to express their love and devotion to each other before their friends, family – and should they choose – their God of choice?

And should a gay couple decide to embrace a child into their lives, I say more power to them! More than a male and female role model, children truly need to grow up in an environment of loving and caring. We’ve seen enough “ideal” heterosexual couples screw up their kids through neglect, violence, and anger to prove that simply being “straight” is not the best criterion for parenthood.

We have a responsibility as a progressive-thinking society to allow everyone, regardless of race, gender, religion, and sexuality to enjoy the same benefits. Anything less is discrimination. It wasn’t so long ago that our neighbours south of the border had laws on the books banning interracial marriages for many of the same reasons that gay marriages have become an issue.

Dominion over marriage laws does not fall under any religion’s umbrella. The concept of marriage predates Christianity and, in our society, for a marriage to be legal it must be registered with the appropriate government department. Until otherwise those offices are supposed to be secular in nature.

So, that being considered, where is the secular reason for opposing homosexual marriages? And if two people of any gender want to enter into a legal arrangement to share their life to them, then I say more power to them. What makes us human is the ability to love.

If we choose to deny others the right to express that love – and by extension their very humanity — what does that say about us?

Simply being heterosexual does not provide a person with a position of moral superiority. In fact, history has proven to us that none of us entitled to stand as a moral judge of others based on race, sexuality, gender, religion, or political leaning.

As well, using the disapproval of another’s lifestyle is certainly a treacherous footing from which to stand on. There are no hard and fast moral rules to which we all, within this great Canadian cultural mosaic, ascribe. As such, one person’s delight is another’s disgust – and it can work both ways.

I have several gay friends and family members and I grew up in an environment of tolerance. As a parent, one of the things I’m most proud of is that my children are growing up in that same sort of environment where sexuality, race, and religious affiliation hold no weight on the value of the person. We stress that it’s the person’s character that’s important.

But what message are my wife and I sending to our son when we tell him not to tell others that some of the people that he cares most deeply about are gay? How do we explain that some of our friends aren’t “out” to the greater community because there are people that would look at them and react to them differently? What do I say to him when he comes home and tells us about how the kids at school are using derogatory terms to describe gay people or picking on kids who they accuse of being homosexual?

How do I tell him that we still live in a society where many remain closeted out of fear and in reaction to others’ ignorance? How do I tell him that being gay is not wrong when our country’s leaders are still debating whether homosexuals are allowed to enjoy the same rights and freedoms as heterosexuals?

Gay unions won’t diminish the concept of marriage. But this continued discrimination of homosexuals certainly shakes our concept of humanity to its core.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease and if people are in favour of supporting basic human rights, they should let their MP know. My own MP has stated that he will be voting with his conscience – but what our elected officials know is that they were not elected to represent their own wills, but rather the wills of their constituents. And if our country is truly so divided, then the decision should not rest with only our elected MPs – we need to have a national plebiscite to truly hear the voice of the people.

That way, we can truly hear from all Canadians – not just those who shout the loudest.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Following Our Children’s Lead

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By Jason Menard

It’s about time. Now it’s about time for the rest of society to follow the lead of our children.

The Thames Valley District School Board did the right thing last night, expanding its safe-school policy to include same-sex relationships. However, unless some parents follow the school board’s lead, it won’t mean a wet slap for our society as a whole.

There are parents and groups out there that believe this amendment will lead to schools promoting the gay lifestyle. Like homosexuality is an intellectual virus that once learned will lead to a Queer Eye for the Straight Kid makeover, causing mass Pride parades down the halls of our city’s elementary schools, and a run on Cher memorabilia for the under-12 set!

I’m sorry, but being gay doesn’t work that way. You either you are or you aren’t. I’ve been around homosexuals the better (and I mean that in every sense of the word) part of my life, and yet I remain staunchly heterosexual. You would think that this powerful homo-hypnosis people seem to fear would have, at some point, affected me, but it hasn’t.

Including the understanding of gay lifestyles in our young children’s lives can only broaden and enrich their lives. In the same way that children were once – and at times are still – ostracized due to their ethnic background or religious beliefs, an attitude of intolerance and fear exists in our schools that make it difficult for homosexual children to feel comfortable with themselves.

I thank my parents for raising me in an extremely tolerant household. They taught me to respect and appreciate people for who they are – not who they’re with or what they look like. But as soon as I stepped out of the door, I entered a world where such compassion for others – at least as it relates to homosexuals – rarely existed.

Whether it was in the locker room with my hockey team or on the playground with other school kids the words ‘fag’ and ‘homo’ were tossed around as common insults. Up through high school, people that would never consider using a racial epithet tossed around insults based on sexual orientation without a second thought.

And then we wonder why it’s so hard for gay kids to come out? As a youth, I considered myself tolerant and understanding, but to a homosexual kid did my words – in this case – speak louder than my actions?

I went to a high school with roughly 900 other kids – and none was openly gay. While I may not believe that one in 10 people are gay, I find it hard to believe that all 900 of us were straight. Our culture was just not one where coming out was a welcome option. And I know we weren’t the only school like that.

I had hoped things had changed, but earlier this year, my son – who’s been exposed to gay friends and family all his life – came home and told me that some of his schoolmates were making fun of gay people and saying that they’re bad. The culture of intolerance still exists.

We, as a society, need to view sexuality in the same light as we do race. The only intolerance should be an intolerance of discrimination. We live in a secular society, so religious beliefs should hold no sway over our societal responsibilities. Our Charter of Rights and Freedoms applies to all people, straight or gay.

And this decision isn’t about undermining parental rights. I’ve got two kids and they didn’t come with instructions for me to instill intolerance and hate. My parental obligations include preaching love, understanding, and acceptance of our differences.

Hopefully, considering the world we live in now, the Thames Valley District School Board’s decision will help make my obligations a little easier. But that can only happen if we all support its ideals. Kids truly do learn the most from their parents and if we preach intolerance, what do you think are kids are going to believe?

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved