This Olympic Movement Hits Me in the Bowels

3 Replies

By Jason Menard

In just a few short days the eyes of the world – and the cameras of the CBC – will be focussed on birthplace of Western civilization, Athens, Greece. It’s an Olympic year and, judging by the paraphernalia and marketing tie-ins on display wherever you look, I’ll be the only one on the outside, not caring to look in.

Now, I’m as big of a sports fan as anyone, but I just can’t get into the Olympics. I’ve tried. Really, I have. And while I support anything that makes us feel proud as Canadians, for me this whole Olympic movement hits me more in the bowel than in the heart.

If there’s a gold medal in hypocrisy, I’m afraid we’d be solid contenders! Every two years (now that the summer and winter games fall on a rotating basis — you know — to maximize sponsor dollars) Canadians work themselves up into an orgiastic frenzy over the Olympics!

Then, almost before the torch is doused, all is forgotten. Heroes are made in a fraction of a second, but are cast aside before the final note is played on the closing ceremonies. We watch anxiously as an athlete – of whom we’ve never heard before (except for those TSN/CBC preview shows…) competes in an event we don’t really care about. We take vicarious pleasure in their victory, and heap scorn on those that don’t measure up to our expectations.

But we don’t have the right? Where are we during the intervening years? The same people who sit in judgement after another disappointing Olympic result, decrying the lack of federal funding for our elite athletes, are also the same ones who never think of ponying up their own money to go to a local fencing club or luge event! For the most part, the only people that attend amateur athletics are family and friends – actual spectators are few and far between.

And while most people wouldn’t review a book without reading it first, there seems to be no problem in shooting off our mouths on athletes and sports we know next to nothing about.

What these athletes need is our support more than once every four years! They give their bodies, minds, and dedication to a cause, often with little to no support, no funding, and no general interest. While we produce reams of newsprint detailing the goings-on of millionaire professionals, these true athletes, who are the purest representation of sport out there, get next to no notice – except when the Olympics roll around.

To take vicarious pride in the successes of athletes that we’ve ignored for so long insults the effort, pain, and hardship they’ve endured to become elite. It’s like the guy at work or school that takes equal credit for a project you’ve completed despite doing next to no work! You hate that guy in everyday life, but you have no compunctions about being that guy when the Olympics roll around.

Now, it’s too late to jump on the ol’ bandwagon this year. Anyway, doing so would just seem so transparent. So go ahead and watch the Olympics, enjoy the thrill of competition, cheer the Maple Leaf to your hearts’ content. Cheer on our fencers, our synchronised swimmers, and our handball competitors! And feel free to revel in the fact that, win or lose, they will have represented our country at the highest level of competition.

But don’t let that be the end of your journey. The moment that athlete breaks the tape at the finish line should be the moment you start your involvement! That trampoline competition really got you jumping? Find out when the next local event takes place – and attend! Your admission dollars, for the most part, will help fund those athletes and help them get to the next level.

People that wouldn’t think twice about taking out a second mortgage for Leafs’ tickets rarely drop any coin to get into gymnastics meet – but these athletes need your support! Really, it’s the least you can do to pay for you riding their coat tails to the podium this summer.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

My Daughter’s Pony Tail Has Me Tied Up in Knots

Leave a reply

By Jason Menard

I’ve interviewed Heads of State, I’ve survived Cuban customs, and I have weathered the stresses of weddings, moving, school, and work. I considered myself capable of succeeding at pretty much anything to which I put my mind – that is, until recently.

I have been defeated. And by my own flesh and blood. My insurmountable task? My two-and-a-half year old daughter’s hair.

That’s right, I’ve pieced together IKEA furniture despite the lack of a Rosetta Stone for their hieroglyphic-like instructions (and the inevitable missing or extra pieces that seem to have no home), but a simple pony tail falls outside the range of my capabilities.

It’s not for lack of trying. My wife has spent many moments stifling her laughter and offering (somewhat condescending) support for my efforts. My daughter has shown patience beyond her years in sitting there as I fumble along, my fingers suddenly moving as dexterously as a cow’s hoof.

This is just not a skill set that I’ve ever had to develop. I’ve always had short hair, and even my pathetic attempt to grow it out during my teen years only left me with an unruly mop that still wasn’t long enough to pull back. My almost 10-year-old son also has short hair, so that’s been a blessing in disguise to this point.

My daughter was even gracious enough to take longer than expected to grow her hair in, so I was granted a reprieve. But it finally happened, her hair has grown, and grown, and grown. In my dreams, my daughter’s beautiful hair turns into a Medusa-esque collection of snakes, hissing and mocking my inability to manipulate a ‘clippy.’ But, as always, my wife was there to bail me out.

Until recently. Off on a girls’ weekend away, she left me alone with my daughter. Before departing she generously put my daughter’s hair up – but that could only last so long. Eventually, she’d need to bathe, sleep, or just be a normal two-year-old and pull it out. And although I debated the merits of the Moe Howard look on girls, I knew my wife would kill me if my daughter went outdoors looking like she was on her way to an audition for the Mini-Pop Ramones.

So I bit the bullet. After her bath, after I dried her hair, I took a deep breath – and foisted her off on one of the neighbour’s daughters.

It’s amazing what the power of suggestion can do on a toddler. A simple, “don’t you like when [insert the older child of your choice’s name here] does your hair? You should go ask her to do it again!” No, it’s probably not the best example of parenting in the world, but I’d rather my daughter look like a little girl than like she should be ferrying a small keg of brandy around her neck in the Alps. I’m already barely getting by on colour co-ordination and matching outfits, so give me a mulligan on the hair!

Many of us go through various classes as we prepare for the birth of our children – but nowhere is there one on tying pony tails! And forget pig tails – I have enough problems with one, two might cause an aneurysm. Knowing what I know now, I’d pay any amount of money to attend that class.

And learning from my wife has proven fruitless. I’ve determined that it’s like when I watch those Italian game shows without the benefit of sub-titles – I get the gist of it, but the fine details are lost.

So what I’m left with is to implore all of you not for pity, but for understanding. Understanding not just for me, but for all those fathers out there. When you see us walking down the street, holding the hand of our shaggy offspring who’s braving the outdoors with a pony tail sticking out the side of her head or a dozen clips scattered haphazardly around her head, don’t point and laugh.

Our daughters have done nothing wrong but to put their blind trust in us – and our lumbering fingers.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Does Anybody Really Like Summer?

1 Reply

By Jason Menard

Let me start off by asking a favour of all of you people out there who spend all year professing your love for summer. Stop lying!

You see I’m married to one of you, and with the hotter weather here we’re in the midst of our annual seasonal battle – the ongoing war of the air conditioner. I’m sure many of you can relate to this friendly skirmish because I see and hear from sympathetic soldiers all the time.

My wife is one of those self-professed summer lovers. The problem is that as soon as the heat hits the air conditioner is set to Nuclear Winter. What I find pleasant in the house is insufferable for my wife, so the air conditioner is clicked on in the name of marital harmony.

Outdoors is no better. We hop in our air-conditioned car to drive to the nearest air-conditioned store or restaurant. And as I look around, I notice others in the same predicament as I – rushing desperately from their cars to the doors, only to emit an audible sigh when that door is opened and the first blast of air conditioned air hits them.

I’m a winter person, plain and simple. At least in winter, you can always put more clothes on, or bundle up. In summer, there’s only so much you can take off before you get arrested. I’d like to think that my opposition to air conditioning is as much out of environmental concern, but I can’t get that image of deliriously happy hydro employees rubbing their hands with glee as they watch the dial on my meter spin.

But I think my biggest problem with the summer is waking up to ‘The Mummy.’ And I know I’m not alone in this one (although I hope I’m the only one waking up with my ‘Mummy’, otherwise my wife’s got some ‘splaining to do…). Usually, I’m first to bed, so I trundle upstairs, shut off the air conditioner, and fall into bed – sometimes under a light sheet, other times not. However, each morning I awake to frost hanging from my nose as I shiver on my side of the bed. I look over to find my wife wrapped in two, sometimes three, blankets in a sort of slumber cocoon – and the air conditioner chugging away in the background.

And what does she say when I ask to turn it off? ‘It’s too hot!’ Now, that couldn’t be because of the linen womb she’s wrapped in, but who am I to judge.

Our society has become slaves to Freon. Walk down any street and instead of the sounds of birds chirping the ambient noise is supplied by the gentle hum of central air and window units. Of course, that would mean walking outside, which is so inconveniently non-air conditioned. But try it some time.

The heat dynamic isn’t just limited to one’s home life either. It can be found at work. Take a poll of your office, shop, place of business today, and out of 10 people you’ll find at least half who find the place too hot or too cold, while the rest are fine.

These alleged summer worshippers have developed their own lingo to justify their rejection of the summer heat. Phrases like, ‘It’s the humidity,’ or ‘this weather makes my hair curl’ are common place. Homes are essentially hermetically sealed to keep the forces of nature at bay.

What do we do about this? Do we institute thermal compatibility testing before granting marriage licenses? Should temperature endurance be a criterion for employers? I don’t have the answer – and with the dog days of August upon us the problem will only get worse.

I believe air conditioning has its place – especially when the mercury truly rises. But I don’t want to give up those moments when I can drive with my windows down, or revel in the cool night breeze that cuts through the day’s oppressive humidity.

Those of you who profess your love for summer, then spend it only in climate-controlled locations – stop fooling yourselves and pick a new season! If you love something, you’ve got to take the bad with the good. Personally, I’m counting down the days until the cooler weather arrives. And, at that time, if you see me listening with a smile on my face to someone complain about how summer’s too short, you’ll know why.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

The $415,000 Question

Leave a reply

By Jason Menard

Another day, another City Hall fiasco. Unapproved renovation costs, sexual harassment issues, closed-door meetings, denials, double-talk, sniping – it seems one can’t wake up anymore and pick up a paper without reflexively cringing before seeing what’s next.

So what do we, as Londoners, do about it? That’s the $415,000 question, now isn’t it? For many years now Londoners have been willing to gripe about our elected officials, but when it comes down to that decisive moment, the status quo reigns supreme.

Name recognition seems to be the order of the day for London voters – last election saw all incumbents who ran re-elected. Voter apathy tops the list. In fact, just over 30% of eligible voters cast ballots last election. And who are among the worst offenders? London’s youth.

Whether it’s university students returning home from their studies, or high school grads preparing to take the next step in their lives, one of the fundamental responsibilities we have as a society – and as adults — is participation in the democratic process.

Of course, no one is actively going to get you to the polls. I’m not so far removed from that age to have forgotten how hollow “Get out to vote” messages can sound. In fact, those pseudo-hip messages specifically targeted to the youth demographic are either way off base or way too condescending.

So why should you go out and cast a vote on November 10? The pretentious answer is, “Because it’s your civic duty to do so.” But the real reason is that you can make a difference and help to shape this city the way you want it!

Stop and think about the power you – and when I say you, I mean youth as a block – hold for the upcoming election. The numbers can be in your favour! Look at the percentages we’re talking about here – only about one-third of eligible voters actually exercised their right to vote. Now, if the youth of this city – even conservatively saying 5,000 to 10,000 people — actually got involved in this process and voted for a candidate who met their needs that could have a significant impact on the final result.

Now I can hear the cry, “There’s nobody out there who cares what we think.” You know what? You’re probably right. And you know why? You don’t give them a reason to care.

As much as we’d like to live in a world where politicians have all of our best interests in mind, the fact of the matter it’s not that the squeaky wheel gets the grease –all the whining in the world won’t get you anywhere. It’s the squeaky wheel that actually has some weight behind it that will see results. They’re called interest groups because they actually can attract the interest of our city’s movers and shakers.

I’ve lived in this city for a number of years and all I’ve ever heard from this city’s youth is how backwards the city is, how there’s nothing for the youth, and a litany of things that are wrong with the city. I’ve yet to see anyone do anything about it.

Where’s the motivation for someone running for office to develop a position, or even address your needs? Why should they waste their breath on a group that’s not even going to get out and cast a ballot. However, I guarantee that if they knew that your vote could make a difference between election and obscurity, I’m sure they’d be more receptive to your concerns.

Sure it’s only May and it would seem too early to start thinking about elections, but that’s precisely the problem! Most people don’t think about elections, read what they see in the paper, then go cast a ballot – and hence the same-old, same-old council we keep getting.

Think of it as your summer project before you go back to school. We live in the electronic age, so send the candidates an email. Go see them when they’re stumping for votes. Call their offices. No matter what you do, get your voice heard and ask the questions that concern you! If you don’t get an answer, ask again. Find the candidate who addresses your concerns in a way you’re satisfied with. And don’t just stick with the “money” candidates – talk to the lesser lights, see what their ideas are.

This way, when Nov. 10 rolls around, you’ll know who – and what – you’re voting for. Maybe it will be the same-old candidate, or perhaps someone new will earn your vote. At least you’ll be making an informed decision.

And, hopefully, as voting day approaches the candidates themselves will know who they’re dealing with when it comes to plotting London’s future!

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

How the Bloc Can Help Canada

Leave a reply

By Jason Menard

Maybe, after all has been said and done, we’ll see that Quebec separatists have the right idea.

I’m not talking about tearing the country apart, of course. But, as all signs point to a wide-spread sweep of the province for the Bloc, they seem to have their priorities right when it comes to voting for a federal election.

Many of us have spent these last few days leading up to the election still juggling in our minds which party we should support in Monday’s balloting. For many, the question is not ‘Which party do I like best,’ but ‘Which party is the lesser evil?’

People who once described themselves as staunchly red or blue, are now blinded by shades of grey. There are those who would love to support the NDP or Green parties, but feel that their vote would be ‘wasted’ on the national level.

This is an election unlike any other over the past two decades, and normal voting patterns have been thrown out the window in lieu of strategy and big-picture thinking. But one problem with looking at the big picture is that the smaller details tend to blur out of focus.

So Quebec has it right. For the rest of Canada, we’re so busy looking at a macro level that we’ve neglected our own backyard. Our obsession with determining which head of the Martin/Harper/Layton hydra would end up biting us the least has prevented us from looking locally to see who is the candidate that will truly affect change in our everyday lives.

Maybe it’s a selfish concept, but really, when it gets down to brass tacks most of us heading to the ballot box are not looking to altruistically subjugate ourselves for the masses. We want to know ‘what’s in it for us?’ Quebecers have figured that out and that’s why the Bloc is so popular!

For many soft-separatists or even federalists who vote Bloc, they’re not necessarily casting their ballot for separatism. Rather they’re casting their ballots for a party that has Quebec’s best interests at heart — and really, what’s wrong with that?

Many of us complain that our elected representatives seem to vote along party lines, rather than by what their constituency wants. But that’s what the Party system has bred – the ruling party has to be as palatable and inoffensive to the masses in order to keep their hold of power. So instead of working on the micro level, they’ll take a macro view – and that’s when the details start to blur.

This election offers us a chance to take back some of that power! We’re so firmly entrenched in this Party system of government that, chances are, there’s no going back. However, as we look to a probable minority government, our local representation becomes that much more important.

As a governing party looks to build consensus, they’ll need to negotiate and offer concessions with those sitting across the Parliament floor. In the absence of a dominant Party able to force a collective view through the system, the smaller, regional groups can rise up to fill the void. Put it this way, with a block (no pun intended) of seats estimated to number in the 70s, do you not think that Quebec’s interests will be well represented in a minority government?

So as you deliberate as to whom will receive your vote, spend more than a fleeting moment thinking about your local riding. When we go to the ballot box, the names on the ballot aren’t of the leaders, but rather those of our local representation. So let’s take this opportunity to hold them accountable.

More than ever, each vote in this election matters. By voting for the candidate you feel will best represent you and your community you can send a message to the federal government that Canada as a whole can’t be painted with the same brush. Rather it has to be appreciated for the rich social and cultural mosaic that it is!

So, in an ironic twist, maybe the Bloc will strengthen this country after all! If we vote for strong regional representation, like Quebecers do, then our elected officials will have to work in the best interests of all Canadians!

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved