Category Archives: Lifestyle (MC Archive)

Lifestyle-related columns that appeared on Jason Menard’s previous Web site, Menard Communications.

Who Knew Watching Paint Dry Could Be Sexy?

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By Jason Menard

“Hey, let’s throw it up on the wall and let’s see if this sticks!” It’s long seemed to be the mantra of the television executive but, increasingly, it appears that we’re buying whatever they’re selling. Mainly because no matter what the product is, the packaging is sexy, and sex sells on TV!

We’re now into the summer season, at time where re-runs once ruled the roost. But now, especially with the proliferation of reality television, no topic seems to be taboo – and ideas that would once be laughed out of the pitch room are now being embraced by TV execs and the viewing public alike.

There once was a day when Bob Vila was toiling away in relative obscurity on PBS and Wok With Yan was a guilt pleasure, enjoyed by a select few. But now, the digital channel revolution seems to have opened the spigot on this type of programming and a deluge of copycat shows are flooding various networks.

No matter where I turn, there’s another home renovation show, all with just a slightly different twist on the others. Let’s switch houses! Let’s rebuild a restaurant! Let’s let the kids re-do their rooms! Let’s show somebody organizing someone else’s house! Organizing someone else’s house? When did filing become must-see T.V. The adage “As exciting as watching paint dry,” used to have a negative connotation – but now we have entire networks dedicated to doing just that! And it’s not just the channels dedicated to this type of programming that are jumping on the stylishly redesigned bandwagon – even CNN is dabbling in business makeover programs!

Cooking shows have enjoyed a similar popularity surge. We’re now at the point where the term celebrity chef is no longer an oxymoron and some have even attained sex symbol status. And millions of us watch these shows – spending hours enjoying not just the finished result, whether it’s a home or a meal. But it’s not just the beauty of the room or the dish we’re appreciating – it’s the beauty of the host or hostess.

Case in point is the summer hit Dancing with the Stars. Essentially, it’s ballroom dancing (with a dash of other styles) being served up to the mass market. But we’re watching it – I’m watching it! And why? What’s making it succeed? Sex.

As a society, we like watching beautiful people. It’s what we do. It’s why our magazine racks are filled with countless gossip magazines and it’s why there are a million and one interchangeable Entertainment Tonight-esque shows on TV. It’s also why I’m watchingDancing with the Stars. I’ll be honest, I’m not the world’s biggest dance fan. And, although I find myself mildly entertained by this show (and channeling an inner critic I didn’t know I had – as if my two left feet could do any better), the fact is that I – and many of my brethren – am watching this show for prurient interests. Hello Kelly Monaco, I’m talking to you.

The TV executives know we’re slaves to our libido. It’s why the masses know who Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson are, but other women – who actually have some sort of talent that doesn’t extend to wearing a halter top – toil in relative obscurity. We live in a time where a beautiful woman can sell millions of records without actually being able to hit a note – paging Ms. Lopez – and when ballroom dancing can be a success as long as you put a few beautiful people in skimpy dance costumes.

It works for both genders. Ty Pennington, who’s biggest talent appears to be the ability to annoy, is a bona-fide sex symbol, know more for his abs than his proficiency with a hammer. No matter how much lip service we pay to the idea that it’s what’s inside that counts, when push comes to shove we want good-looking entertainment.

Sex sells. Embracing that idea is how we know reality and specialty TV is maturing. Check out the rosters of shows like Survivor and the Amazing Race – they’re inordinately skewed towards the buff and beautiful, aspiring actors and models. The majority of the stars of cooking, design, and makeover shows are not just easy-going, they’re easy on the eyes. That’s because TV execs realize that we want a filtered reality. We don’t want to see everyday people in extraordinary situations – we still want reality wrapped up in a pretty package. And that’s why we’ll watch ballroom dancing if there’s a hot guy or girl doing it!

So, to all you aspiring actors and actresses out there, no matter what idea you have for a TV show, pitch it. Because, more and more, it doesn’t matter if the idea’s good – it’s only important that you look good doing it.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Passing a Marker on the Road of Life

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By Jason Menard

The candles have been blown out, the cards have been opened, the well-wishes received, and now I’ve entered birthday purgatory. Today (June 13) I turned the non-descript age of 32 – and I’m left wondering how I should feel and how I should celebrate.

Earlier in our lives, each birthday is an event. And, for some, that sense of celebration continues on year after year, throughout their lives. For others, the passing of each birthday is a depressing reminder of the loss of youth, or the fear of time slipping through our grasp.

Then there are people like me who don’t fit into either camp. While not wallowing in a pit of depression over the addition of another candle to our cake, we’re not much for celebrating our birthdays either. And this feeling of ennui is amplified by the fact that I’m now in this birthday hinterland.

Taking stock of my life to this point, I’m very happy with where I am. I have a wonderful wife and two amazing kids that inspire me and make me laugh each and every day. I have my family and a few close friends, a good job, a roof over my head, and food on the table. Life is good.

Better yet, this past year has seen the waistline recede, the hairline hold its ground, and only a few more grey hairs joining the fray. As the chairman sang, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” All of which could explain why I’m looking at this birthday with all the interest of a road sign on the highway. Interesting as a notification of where we’re heading, these birthdays certainly aren’t worth stopping to admire.

You see, the people who came up with the concept of wedding anniversaries got it right. They knew that, other than the big commemorative years, the majority of those middling years need something to give them a kick in the pants. So, instead of relying on the public to come up with ideas, they decided to take the thought process out of the equation and spoon-feed us celebratory themes. Wood, paper, gold, silver – it’s all laid out for us in easy-to-follow steps.

But what about birthdays? For my kids, each and every passing year is an exciting event. They’re ferociously striving to shed their youth, just as my wife and I work just as hard to hold on to its diminishing vestiges. Then there are the biggies – 13, 16, 18, 19, 21, 25, 30… There’s much to look forward to, and the next big celebration is no more than a few years away.

Then we hit our 30s and we’re stuck in the middle between adulthood and youth. I’m not old enough to be considered a sage, elder statesman, but I’m apparently old enough to see my youth the subject of countless nostalgia specials. I’m not young enough to get away with the follies of youth anymore, but I’m still young enough to feel youthful most of the time – which is a good thing. Best of all, I’m still on the right side of the grass, so I’ve got nothing to complain about.

So where’s my guide? Where’s my Hallmark-created step-by-step guide to aging? How do I best commemorate reaching an age where one day I’ll feel older than my years, and the next I’ll question who decided that I was mature enough to handle a family? Or will the uncertainty of these non-descript birthday years help the transition from youth to maturity?

With that in mind, I tip my hat to the passing of my 32 nd birthday, content in knowing that I’m still racing down the road of life, hoping to get to where I want to go. And as I pass that highway marker saying “40 – 8 years” I know that I don’t have to stop and take stock of the road behind me just yet. I’m not yet where I want to be, but I’m on my way. Besides, where would the fun be if all my goals were already reached? There’s still the open road ahead, with all its twists and turns to both endure and enjoy – and there are thousands of stops that I’ll be making along the way in the future.

But for today, I will pause to appreciate the scenery around me and who my driving companions are. It’s not the final destination that matters, it’s appreciating the route we take to get there.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Hands Off My Memories, Molly Ringwald!

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June 9, 2005 — Really, I don’t know about you, but I know I’ve been sleeping better this week knowing that one of life’s great, unsolved mysteries has come to a close. No, I’m not talking about Mark Felt finally revealing himself to be Deep Throat – I’m talking about the eternal mystery of what ever happened to Samantha Baker!

The uncertainties that have plagued the masses will finally come to an end. Now we will be able to answer those important life questions such as: What every happened to Long Duc Dong? Did Sam pick Jake Ryan or Blaine McDonnagh? Did Farmer Ted and Duckie ever find love?

Or am I getting my John Hughes/Molly Ringwald movies mixed up?

Recent wire reports have shown that Ringwald – now 37 – would like to reprise the role of Samantha Baker in a sequel to the 1984 film Sixteen Candles. She claims that there’s been interest in the past, but it was only recently that she read a script that met her satisfaction and she wanted to star in the movie.

”I’ve turned it down for years. I couldn’t see how it would work,” she said. “Now, it seems right.”

Maybe it’s the cynic in me, but why do I read that quote and see, “OK, I’m so far out of the public eye that I’ve got a standing offer for a spot on the Surreal Life, and my bank account is dwindling rapidly – can I please get a paycheque??”

How often do we see these actors, who are desperately clinging to past glories, decide to sell their souls for one more kick at the can. And why do we, as the buying public, allow our pleasant childhood memories to be ruined by actors pillaging their past in search of the almighty dollar?

Ringwald, and her “Where Are They Now?” compatriots always pay lip service to spending time at home, doing theatre, or whatever other occupation they can come up with to justify their time out of the spotlight. But, despite these high-minded pursuits, they’re seemingly always willing to shed their pretentious airs (almost as fast as whatever scraps of dignity they hold on to) the second a shot at the big time comes around again.

And we, the viewers, are left with the empty feeling and tarnished memories.

Whether you liked John Hughes or not, his movie-making prowess cut a rather wide swath over the popular culture scene in the 80s. Beyond the aforementioned Ringwald star vehicles, Hughes brought Ferris Bueller, the Breakfast Club, and Some Kind of Wonderful to the silver screen. His ability in visualizing a common voice for 80’s youth is almost enough to give him a pass for infesting the world with not one, not two, not three, not four – but five, count ‘em, five Beethoven movies. Almost.

But the thought of revisiting Pretty in Pink would seem to signify a career nadir for all involved — after all, those are pretty shallow waters in which to be fishing for inspiration. People who grew up with these movies are generally polarized in their opinions of them. You either loved Molly growing up you didn’t – and I certainly fell into the latter.

However, I AM a child of the ‘80s. In retrospect, those movies – whether I liked them or not – are part of the fabric from which my popular culture reference is woven. And what those movies — and others like them from that time period – stand up on is not outstanding acting, rich writing, or complicated plots, but rather they are propped up by fond memories, nostalgia, and our general romanticizing of our past.

How often have you held a fond remembrance for a show in your heart, only to have its memory tainted upon a viewing several years later? I used to love TV’s The Greatest American Hero and V – until I saw them again recently. The reality couldn’t stand up to my memories, and a part of my youthful enjoyment was lost.

You would think that we’d have come up with a cure for Sequelitis, but we keep getting afflicted with the disease time after time, bad remake after bad remake. Instead of heeding the once-bitten, twice-shy adage, we desperately cling to the hope that this time, truly, Hollywood will be able to recapture the magic.

But it’s an impossible dream. That magic is borne of a combination of our youth, our memories, and the mollifying effect of time. No matter what strides and advances movie making has made over the years, they’ll never be able to harness the power of our memories.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

The Definition of Life Isn’t Found in a Dictionary

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By Jason Menard

I suppose congratulations are in order for California eighth-grader Anurag Kashyap for his impressive achievement of winning the United States’ 2005 annual spelling bee. But, for some reason, I can’t help but feel a little bit sorry for the kid.

Cruising through the world appoggiatura, the 13-year-old Kashyap took home the grand prize: scholarships, savings bonds, and books from Encyclopedia Britannica. And, officially, the 15 minutes of his fame is rapidly winding down.

Now I have no doubt that the home-schooled Kashyap is going to be a phenomenal success in life. Why he’ll probably finish high school early while taking university courses at night, so that he can graduate from his Ivy League university at 20. But somewhere, in the back of my mind, I can’t help but feel that this kid – and others like him – will miss out on something important in life.

Pageant moms have become a running joke in our society, symbols of parents living vicariously through their kids to satisfy their desire for recognition and success. North of the border, we’re familiar with the hockey dad, who takes his kid’s involvement in the sport way too seriously – and occasionally being barred from the local arena for his, uhm, enthusiasm.

But while we’re free to condemn these parents for their obsessive behaviours in the athletic and aesthetic fields, why don’t we do the same when obsession rears its head in the intellectual field?

Words are my way of life. They’re my passion. I love writing, I love editing, I love the whole communications kit and caboodle – but, save for the purposes of this column, I’ve never had the need, nor do I ever anticipate ever having the need to use the word appoggiatura. In fact, unless you’re deeply immersed in the world of advanced music appreciation, chances are you could happily go through life without this particular collection of letters appearing in your vocabulary.

Kashyap? He didn’t come by this word on his own volition – he studied it as part in parcel of attempting to win this spelling bee. It’s not learning for the sake of gaining a greater appreciation of the world, it’s obsessive studying of obscure words for the sake of this contest.

And what do we do with it now? Like the mathematician who tries to impress his or her friends with the fact that they have memorized Pi to 132 digits, their feats become nothing more than party tricks – and, not to stereotype, but I’m not certain they’re getting invited into too many parties. And I’m pretty sure most of us wouldn’t want to go to the types of parties that they are getting invites for – that the majority of people don’t appreciate.

So this kid has learned to be the top speller for his time. But where does he go from here? Does obsessively poring over dictionaries adequately prepare one for life after school is done? Where is the social interaction, where is the physical development, where is the ability to function as a part of a greater community on a variety of topics that’s so important in both business and life?

Many of us shake our heads at athletes who drop out of school in their high school years for a chance to live the dream of playing their chosen sport for life. And then, when the inevitable crash comes, what are they left with? What have they learned? Is this obsessive dedication to intelligence any better? While it may leave one more financially secure in the long run, how does it impact their social abilities?

What ever happened to the idea of raising our kids to be diverse, independent thinkers that are open to new experiences? By focusing them so acutely on one task or one interest, we do them the disservice of giving them tunnel vision – and they miss out on the little things that make childhood, and life, special.

I was in the advanced/gifted classes in my youth. I had friends who went that route, focusing only on things that made them smarter – not necessarily things that made them better. So, while some of us chose to balance our thirst for knowledge with a desire to broaden our perspectives, others withdrew within themselves, shying away from others, and only feeling comfortable with topics that were familiar to them.

The bitter irony of all of this is that experiencing life affords you the opportunity for a greater appreciation of the things we learn as we age. Anyone can study enough to recite Shakespeare’s sonnets by wrote, but it’s not until you’ve experienced love first-hand that you truly understand what the words mean.

If variety is the spice of life, some of these kids need to be shaken up a little and experience more than a dictionary. Education isn’t bad – but it’s not the be all and end all. What we need to realize is that an education is best at teaching us how to learn, how to appreciate, and how to contextualize our experiences.

Simply put, you can’t find the answer to everything in a dictionary.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Reality Check

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By Jason Menard

Reality TV turned five years old this week, and while it’s still experiencing some growing pains, it’s certainly not the unruly red-headed stepchild that the critics make it out to be.

While the reality genre extends back into the 1970s, the modern era of reality began back on March 31, 2000 with the original cast of Survivor. At the time, reality TV was confined to MTV-Real-Worldeque shows, but Richard Hatch and his gang of merry – and backstabbing – men and women captivated a mass audience like never before.

Once again, a TV show became water cooler talk. People had their favourites, joined office pools, gathered at each other’s homes for Survivor parties. And each and every week people sat riveted to the actions of 16 average Americans stranded on Puala Tiga.

Just as quickly as Survivor-fever spread, so too did the critics of the genre proliferate. And, as more and more networks and shows jumped on the Reality TV bandwagon, the louder and more vociferous the expressed distain for the genre became.

As it stands now, people either love Reality TV or look down their noses at it. Worst of all, the criticism of this particular style of television extends towards its viewers’ collective intelligence. It’s been referred to as mindless and the signal that the end of culture is upon us.

But, essentially, Reality TV is no different than any other genre. The pseudo-intellectual snobs may look down on TV as a whole, but the fact of the matter is that TV is a significant component of our society’s lifestyle. Those that say that TV is not as worthwhile as theatre are missing the point that TV is simply an evolution of the theatre-going impulse. As a society, we have a need to see our lives reflected back to us, either in the form of comedy or drama. This is no different than the citizens of Ancient Greece going to hear speeches, or those who live in Shakespeare’s time heading to the theatre for the latest play.

It’s all about entertainment, and TV had brought the message to the masses, instead of the masses – and usually the affluent – having to travel to the message itself. It’s no worse or better than its predecessor, and it certainly doesn’t prevent you from picking up a book or going to a play from time to time. In fact, critics of TV are just as myopic in their view as those who only watch TV. Being well-rounded in today’s world means having an appreciation for all media.

While people feel free to lump the good and the bad of Reality into one big pile, they don’t see the need to do the same for scripted shows. It’s unfair to quality Reality shows like The Amazing Race, which pays respect to the cultures and unique aspects of each country it visits, to lump it in with The Bachelor or Britney & Kevin’s mind-numbingly painful show. But to neglect the good shows simply because of the abundance of bad in the genre is akin to throwing out the CSI’s because of the existence of Walker, Texas Ranger. They’re both police shows, but I don’t hear anyone using Chuck Norris as their standard-bearer for the cop drama.

In fact, scripted TV is as bad – if not worse – than its Reality cousin when it comes to recycling the same idea. At least Reality understands that having a unique twist is the only way to carve a niche in the marketplace. Scripted TV sees the success of one show and then heads right away to the photocopier with the latest script. Take a turn around the dial and how many times will you see the same three or four types of shows? How many comedies follow the formula of “take one heavy guy, add one hot wife, throw in a precocious kid or two, shake and serve”?

Don’t forget the sheer volume created by the Law and Order and CSI franchises – the TV market is saturated with police, legal, and investigative copycats. Add to that the cookie-cutter medical dramas and the argument that scripted drama is more valid than Reality flies out the window.

But reality is in danger of falling into that same rut. The makeover show concept is spreading like cockroaches. You can’t turn to any station without seeing someone’s home, restaurant, or life getting remade. It seems that literally watching paint dry has become a viable option. But obviously there’s a market for this type of repetition, just like there is for recycled situation comedies and formulaic dramas.

Reality isn’t even reality. It’s a heavily-edited version of reality that is fed to us in small bites. True reality would be cutting a hole in the wall between you and your neighbour’s house so that you can watch each other sitting on the couch in your boxers. But that’s not the Reality that people want. They want everyday people put into extraordinary situations, they want conflict, and – most of all – they want to be entertained.

Different is the key in all genres. Desperate Housewives succeeded because it was so unique to what was on the networks. And, those of us with cable know there’s an entire world of programming out there to satisfy everyone’s taste.

And, most importantly, you have the ultimate power in what you watch. The remote is in your hand – no one’s forcing you to watch something you don’t want to watch. Change the channel, find something new.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved