Category Archives: Lifestyle (MC Archive)

Lifestyle-related columns that appeared on Jason Menard’s previous Web site, Menard Communications.

Branded Condoms Rise to the Occasion

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By Jason Menard

Whether it’s because the city’s “hard up” for cash or looking to create a little “stiff” marketing competition, New York City is looking to release an NYC-branded condom in the next few months – but one would hope not prematurely!

OK, I think I got the phallic jokes out of my system? No, probably not. I’m sure there are more than a few Big Apple references just waiting to be beaten to death.

Of course, turning a cold shower on all the fun, a representative from the city’s Department of Mental Health and Hygiene said in a recent edition of The New York Times that the venture is just a way to better track the success of the city’s free condom distribution program.

But, pun entirely intended (and you might as well expect it from the rest of this column…) why not think big? It’s time for the savvy marketers to rise to the occasion and give birth to a new line of geographically referential condoms.

Just think of the tie-ins? In fact, why not tie in prophylactic styles with locations they represent? “No sir, I don’t think the Empire State condom is your thing… perhaps you’d like to see something in our Arkansas line? Little Rock perhaps?” Or for those lacking a little girth, may we suggest something in the Seattle Space Needle line?

Of course, that’s just the lubricated tip. From “I went gambling and got f***ed in Las Vegas” rubbers to “Washington’s Other Monument” condoms, prophylactic marketing may be the way of the future.

And why just stick south of the 49 th? The world is filled with phallic representations in architecture that are just waiting to be exploited. Imagine a tag line for Britain’s Big Ben Brand – “Performance and durability, time and time again.” And one would be remiss in neglecting Paris’ impact on romance without mentioning an Eiffel Tower-inspired French Tickler, “Passion at Night from the City of Lights.” And for our homosexual friends, a slogan of “Put the Gay back in Paree” may work.

Of course, closer to home, we have our own evidence of penis envy – the CN Tower. And like we don’t have a ready-made slogan for that product – just two syllables, “T. Ohhhh!” Head out west and pick up your Rocky Mountain Rubbers or visit la belle province for a little Montreal-inspired work-to-live wear (we will stay far, far away from any Smoked Meat or Steamed Hot Dog references for our Montrealers’ sake).

And, of course, we mustn’t forget the special issue Bloc Quebecois condoms – you know, for the couple who want to separate but is stuck with each other. Now, if there was only some marketing tie-in for our national animal…

There really is no barrier to the creativity that cities can use when developing their own line of prophylactics. And in a world that takes itself far too seriously sometimes, it’s good to be able to laugh at ourselves once in a while.

Sex is the great taboo subject in our society. We’re fascinated by it, participants in it, and – in large part – motivated by it. Yet, we stray away from the topic or treat it with a reverence bordering on fear. When, in fact, sex should be fun. At it’s best it’s a shared experience between two people who care deeply about each other and feel comfortable with each other.

What better way to show how comfortable you feel with your partner than to be able to laugh with each other? To feel so secure, so free, and so content that you’re willing to lose all inhibitions and just share in each other’s love?

New York’s on the right track, especially when you consider the threat that sexually transmitted diseases pose to our society. By breaking down the fear and reservations that we have about discussing sexuality in public through humour, New York City’s Health Unit will successfully engage people into conversations that, in all seriousness, could be about life and death. When people feel secure enough to engage in frank discussions about sexuality, they’ll have a better chance of taking steps towards exhibiting responsible sexual behaviour.

And, as long as no one takes a bite out of the Big Apple, no one should get hurt!

2006© Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Friend of the Bride or the Groom?

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By Jason Menard

There are few spectacles as wondrous as the celebration of the union of two loving partners in the bonds of matrimony. But there are also few things more uncomfortable than getting to the ceremony, being asked, “friend of the bride or the groom?” and not having an answer.

Maybe it’s reflective of an insular society that finds us with fewer true friends and less of a community feeling, but acquaintance invitations appear to be the fashion in modern weddings. In fact, just recently, my wife and I received an invitation to the wedding of a person to whom we’ve only spoken a handful of times.

Generally, I base my acceptance of whether or not I know the bride and groom’s first and last names. When I’ve only got a fuzzy notion of the bride’s first name and couldn’t pick the groom out of a police line-up, I think I’ve got grounds for not attending. But now we’re in that uncomfortable matrimonial nether-region of how to bow out gracefully.

It’s not like we have to worry about doing irreparable damage to a friendship, because exchanging pleasantries with someone who lives in close proximity to you does not a friendship make. Hell, if that was the case, I’d have invited the clerk at the grocery store we frequented, the guy behind the counter at the Lebanese restaurant we often got take out from, and the entire staff at the local Blockbuster Video. But that’s not how we saw our wedding. We chose to celebrate our wedding day with those who were closest to us – the friends and family that we saw every day and those we saw less frequently, but held a close emotional attachment to the both of us.

Our wedding was an intimate affair – which is just a fancy way of saying small. However, we made the choice to pare down the guest list out of respect for those we barely know.

Anyone who’s gone through the process of planning a wedding knows that the creation of the guest list can be one of most stressful aspects of the whole venture. The dreaded spectre of family politics inevitably raises its ugly head. We’ve all played that game – if you invite one aunt, then you have to invite the other. And if you invite those cousins, then we have to factor in spouses and children. A simply 60-gathering can easily increase exponentially three or four times just by climbing the family tree.

In many cases, these are family members that you never, ever see, except for weddings and funerals. A couple of years back, my wife and I were invited to the wedding of a cousin of mine of whom I had not seen for over a decade – back in her early teens. Yet, because of those thin family ties, we were invited. Work obligations forced us to miss the event – and we ended up dodging a bullet as the marriage lasted under a year.

And that’s where those doing the inviting have to take into consideration the investment required of the invitees. Weddings aren’t just an expense for the bride, groom, and their family – it also represents a substantial financial burden for those who choose to attend. Beyond the inflated prices for gifts, attendees must bear the cost of travel and taking time off of work. Those that are close to you will gladly bear that burden to share in your day, but is it really fair to expect that type of investment from those you don’t know? The fact is that family ties loosen and they shouldn’t be used to tighten the noose around our necks and oblige us to attend the ceremonies. And even if you believe that those family ties bind for life, acquaintances should not be held to the same standard.

Of course, as it turns out, not even the word no is free. Apparently some sort of etiquette commandment implies that, even if you don’t attend the wedding you’re obligated to send a gift in gratitude for having been invited. Personally, I think that’s a crock – I’m more than happy to send the barely known couple my fondest wishes for a long and happy life together, but those sentiments don’t need to be accompanied by a fondue set – but my wife is responsible for all things involving social graces in my family, and we’ll end up ponying up some cash for the right to decline.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think weddings should be about the gifts – they’re about sharing a special moment in your life with those who are most important to you. But many people look at wedding gifts as a means to an end – a way for the guests to pay back the expense you’ve incurred through inviting them. So maybe this shotgun approach of inviting distant relatives and casual acquaintances is a way to maximize one’s return while minimizing the risk that they’ll actually show up to the event.

Nor should weddings be a socially paralyzing experience. Just because I work with people doesn’t mean I have to invite them to my wedding. Why should I feel obligated to invite my eighth cousin, six times removed, because we spent a wonderful weekend at the beach together when I was five? Especially when I haven’t seen hind nor hair of that person since.

And if you need to enter into the realm of deductive reasoning when the question “friend of the bride or the groom,” is posed, then it’s a good sign that you shouldn’t be at that wedding – or compelled to attend.

But just make sure you drop off your gift on the way out.

2006© Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

New Year – 10 Per Cent More Gay

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By Jason Menard

Jan. 16, 2006 — I went away over the Christmas and New Year’s holidays and came back a changed man. Yes, the numbers 2006 add up to 10 per cent more gay!

Now before you go all a-titter – and for those of you who are sitting there saying, “I always thought he was gay” – I’m still happily married to my wife, and the instructions on my hardware still read insert Tab A into Slot B. No, my transition in to the world of homosexuality has been facilitated by and limited to one word: product.

A revolution in personal grooming from the Neanderthal to the Metrosexual is upon me – and I’ve never felt better.

Like many guys, I’ve never place a priority on myself in terms of grooming. Sure, I’ve styled my hair (with varying degrees of success) and take a shower every day (I even use soap). But the idea of using specific products for various tasks was foreign to me. In fact, I always thought that the forces behind the grooming industry were just these Machiavellian marketing execs laughing as they invented new terms – and with them new products – for our grooming needs.

That was until I tried a few. Now I’m hooked.

Like a senior citizen being dropped on the Information Superhighway, I was flummoxed and lost every time I found myself confronted with concepts like moulding putty and exfoliation crèmes. And just as that senior will run back to the record player to return to the comfort of their Tommy Dorsey 78’s, I returned to the relative security of my cheap gel and bar soap.

But slowly, quietly things started to change. I would make gentle forays into the world of personal betterment. If I ran out of my soap, then I’d reach for my wife’s body wash. And with what was I to apply it with? A loofah of course. It didn’t hurt, so I was able to be more bold with my metrosexual ventures.

Even television conspired to help me through the transition. Shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy showed not only that certain products and procedures could help men look and feel better – but also showed you how to use them. Knowledge was growing and all I needed was the opportunity.

And then came the New Year. Staying at the home of a gay couple, opportunity availed itself to me. A host of products just waiting to be used, exploited, and enjoyed. And, with my wife eagerly encouraging my experimentation, it happened.

First it was a bit of moulding putty in the hair as opposed to cheap gel. With a, “welcome to the 21 st century,” my wife supported my transition from my 1980s comfort zone to the world of technology. Next came an exfoliant and a moisturizer. And the transformation was complete.

Well, almost. You see, I’ve retained enough of that Neanderthal man in me to resist paying the ludicrous prices that companies charge for these products. So I’ve baby-stepped into the world of affordable skin care.

It’s a difficult transition for many men to make, but it really shouldn’t be. After all, when technology brings us the next gadget, don’t we run out and get it? While we’re playing our PlayStation 2s aren’t we secretly wondering what the next generation console will be like? Look at the crowds for the Xbox 360 when it was released. Why do we not get as excited when technology advances our grooming products?

So while we’re comfortably on the cutting edge of certain aspects of our lives, other parts live in the dark recesses of our consciousness. Damn it, we used gel in high school, it’s still good today, right? Well, yes and no. Many of us also used mousse in the 80s and few of us are willing to relive that Flock of Seagulls feathered do again.

No, styles, products, and attitudes change. The rugged Marlborough Man transitioned into the singing Irish Spring guy, who has now followed the evolutionary path all the way to metrosexuality. These days, rugged must be seasoned with a healthy dose of refinement.

I’m slowly buying into the idea. I still draw the line at eyebrow tweezing, but that’s less about aesthetics and more about pain. I’m 10 per cent more gay and it feels great! And best of all, my wife likes it – and that’s a reward in itself.

2006© Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Film Can Be Memorable For all the Right Reasons

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By Jason Menard

While some will dismiss the arrival of the film Karla as just another sign of Hollywood profiteering and sensationalism, the fact of the matter is that films of this ilk can actually serve a positive role by forcing us to remember society’s ill – and vow to never let them be repeated.

For many, June 20, 2006 will be a day to be regretted. There will be those who denounce the film in full throat without viewing it first. There will be those who argue that the topic of this film should mandate its immediate banning from screens in this country. But those people are missing the opportunity that a film of this nature can provide.

If done responsibly, and by that I’m not referring to the Tori Spelling Movie-of-the-Week treatment that many of these sensational films undergo, films of this nature can make us remember the human tragedy behind the headlines. They can force us to understand that lives were impacted, real people like us were involved, and they can leave an indelible imprint on our hearts and souls.

The announced release date of Karla closely follows the DVD release of the Quebecois filmAurore, which is a heart-wrenching remake based on the true story of a young girl who was systemically tortured and eventually beaten to death by her step-mother. The movie, without being gratuitous, conveys the horror of these events while allowing us to look at the people involved. We are able to see how this tragedy was allowed to unfold and we, as viewers, are left with the burning desire to do our part to ensure that this never happens again.

And that’s where film, and its little sibling television, can assert their dominance as the most effective story-tellers in modern society. A sensitive portrayal by a team of writers, directors, and actors can make a tragedy relevant to viewers from all walks of life. They move the principals from the realm of quaint stereotypes to living, breathing humans like all of us. Instead of archetypes of evil and good, they become flawed, realistic entities to whom we can better relate.

We are presented with tragedy each and every day of our lives. The 24-hour news networks provide us with an ever-changing – and never-ending – reel of the worst that humanity has to offer. But, as a coping mechanism, we are able to dehumanize the principals involved in the situation and turn it from a slice of reality into a spectacle at which we can alternately sympathize with and marvel at. Today’s tsunami turns into tomorrow Hurricane devastation. And we move on to the next tragedy as the previous horror finds itself back to the recesses of our minds.

What film can do is bring a slice of history back to the fore. If done with empathy and skill, they can leave a feeling and message that will resonate long into the future for the viewer.

It’s the human story that brings us closer. For many, the Holocaust is a tragedy beyond the scope of our comprehension. There comes a time when we fail to be able to adequately process the idea of so much death and wanton destruction. But for many of us the face of the Holocaust tragedy belongs to one little girl, Anne Frank, whose life is revealed to us through her diary until its abrupt end – offering an ellipsis wherein we fill in the tragic ending. Reading a textbook of the Holocaust tragedy can provide us with the essential facts and statistics. Reading the personal stories at the Wiesenthal Center provides us with the soul. Through the commitment of the individual’s stories to methods that will ensure their posterity, we will be able to put a human face on the tragedy for generations to come. Instead of being reduced to numbers, the victims of this horror will always remain human – and that’s the greatest way to ensure that we remain vigilant in ensuring that this tragedy does not get repeated.

Currently the continent of Africa is being decimated by the twin demons of genocide and AIDS. But we are unable to adequately empathize with the depth of the tragedy because there is no singular human face. There are millions of stories on the continent, but not one has been told to the degree where we feel moved to rally behind the issue.

Film can tear down the protective wall with which we distance ourselves from these nightmares. Film can make us accountable to our souls and compel us to do whatever we can do. Instead of desensitizing us to violence and aggression, a well-done piece can actually make us more sensitive to the issues at hand and drive us to be more vigilant when it comes to taking a stand against their existence in our society.

When it comes to the Karla film, we’ll have to wait to see if the parties involved chose to make a quick buck by profiting on a dynamic story, or if they lived up to the potential that the medium has to make a difference in our lives.

While time heals all wounds – even revulsion — humanizing a tragedy through film may help ensure that those young women who lost their lives remain a rallying point for society to ensure that history does not repeat itself.

2006© Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

A New Perspective on the New Year

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By Jason Menard

As we age we often lament the loss of things that we enjoyed in our youth. But that mentality is short-sighted when one considers all that we gain in return. All in all, it’s hardly a fair trade.

Like many of you, when I was younger I rang in New Year’s Eve as hard as possible. From nights at the bars to house parties to rock star-esque trashing of hotel rooms, New Year’s Eve was a time for revelry – usually fuelled by alcohol.

In years past, I greeted the New Year with a bottle in both hands. This year, I quietly welcomed the New Year with my daughter in my arms. And there’s really no comparison.

It’s been a steady descent into adulthood over the past few years. Before we were rocking the streets of the town, now we calmly watch Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and ring in the New Year not with a gong, but with a quiet kiss and embraces with friends. The old me would wonder what’s wrong. The new me knows that it’s finally all right.

With two children, aged 11 and four, my wife and I no longer feel the need to go out and paint the town red. We’ve long realized the game of life isn’t won by partying or staying up all night. No, the game of life is won or lost based solely on who your teammates are. And I get more satisfaction now spending an evening at home with my family than I ever did bellying up to any bar and racing the rising sun home.

While I still have friends who continue to frequent clubs and bars, I can’t say that I have any inclination to join them. Instead of drinking myself into oblivion, I’d rather head home and remember every single moment that my son and daughter give to me. As I watch them grow – and as my son gets closer and closer to those teenage years – I realize that each passing page of the calendar means fewer opportunities to share their lives. And I’m not willing to let those moments go. And when I do go out, I don’t want to be stumbling arm in arm with some drinking buddy, but rather enjoying an evening on the arm of my wonderful wife.

So as I sat on our friends’ couch with my wife at my side and my four-year-old in my arms, I watched as my daughter vainly tried to hold out until midnight – less for the New Year’s celebration and more because of every child’s wish to stay awake. Instead of slamming down shots or squeezing another tune on the dance floor, I read to her the assortment of books she continued to bring to me.

At 11:56 p.m. she finally lost the battle, her eyes fluttering closed as she fell asleep in my arms. With my wife at my side and my son nearby, we counted down the last few moments of 2005 and greeted the New Year with smiles and hugs. Our daughter saw the arrival of 2006 through sleep-heavy eyes and promptly fell back to bed.

Shortly thereafter, as we drove the Montreal highways back to our temporary home, we watched the traffic that accompanied us on our route. It wasn’t the over-lubricated revellers that stumbled along the streets of our past, but fellow families heading back to their homes with similarly somnolent offspring in various states of repose in the backseats of their cars.

I realized that while I enjoyed the follies of my youth and don’t begrudge anyone their decision to keep living that life, I’m enjoying the company I’m currently keeping. And like most of us in the not-too-long-after-midnight traffic crowd I went home not regretting the life I’ve long since left behind, but fully embracing the life that I now enjoy.

Because, when it comes down to it, while holding a drink in each hand may have had its moments, they’re easily forgotten. Holding my child in my arms as she succumbs to the security and warmth of a father’s love – that’s a moment that’ll last forever. And I can’t think of a better way to ring in the New Year.

2006© Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved