Author Archives: Jay Menard

Who Knew Watching Paint Dry Could Be Sexy?

Leave a reply

By Jason Menard

“Hey, let’s throw it up on the wall and let’s see if this sticks!” It’s long seemed to be the mantra of the television executive but, increasingly, it appears that we’re buying whatever they’re selling. Mainly because no matter what the product is, the packaging is sexy, and sex sells on TV!

We’re now into the summer season, at time where re-runs once ruled the roost. But now, especially with the proliferation of reality television, no topic seems to be taboo – and ideas that would once be laughed out of the pitch room are now being embraced by TV execs and the viewing public alike.

There once was a day when Bob Vila was toiling away in relative obscurity on PBS and Wok With Yan was a guilt pleasure, enjoyed by a select few. But now, the digital channel revolution seems to have opened the spigot on this type of programming and a deluge of copycat shows are flooding various networks.

No matter where I turn, there’s another home renovation show, all with just a slightly different twist on the others. Let’s switch houses! Let’s rebuild a restaurant! Let’s let the kids re-do their rooms! Let’s show somebody organizing someone else’s house! Organizing someone else’s house? When did filing become must-see T.V. The adage “As exciting as watching paint dry,” used to have a negative connotation – but now we have entire networks dedicated to doing just that! And it’s not just the channels dedicated to this type of programming that are jumping on the stylishly redesigned bandwagon – even CNN is dabbling in business makeover programs!

Cooking shows have enjoyed a similar popularity surge. We’re now at the point where the term celebrity chef is no longer an oxymoron and some have even attained sex symbol status. And millions of us watch these shows – spending hours enjoying not just the finished result, whether it’s a home or a meal. But it’s not just the beauty of the room or the dish we’re appreciating – it’s the beauty of the host or hostess.

Case in point is the summer hit Dancing with the Stars. Essentially, it’s ballroom dancing (with a dash of other styles) being served up to the mass market. But we’re watching it – I’m watching it! And why? What’s making it succeed? Sex.

As a society, we like watching beautiful people. It’s what we do. It’s why our magazine racks are filled with countless gossip magazines and it’s why there are a million and one interchangeable Entertainment Tonight-esque shows on TV. It’s also why I’m watchingDancing with the Stars. I’ll be honest, I’m not the world’s biggest dance fan. And, although I find myself mildly entertained by this show (and channeling an inner critic I didn’t know I had – as if my two left feet could do any better), the fact is that I – and many of my brethren – am watching this show for prurient interests. Hello Kelly Monaco, I’m talking to you.

The TV executives know we’re slaves to our libido. It’s why the masses know who Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson are, but other women – who actually have some sort of talent that doesn’t extend to wearing a halter top – toil in relative obscurity. We live in a time where a beautiful woman can sell millions of records without actually being able to hit a note – paging Ms. Lopez – and when ballroom dancing can be a success as long as you put a few beautiful people in skimpy dance costumes.

It works for both genders. Ty Pennington, who’s biggest talent appears to be the ability to annoy, is a bona-fide sex symbol, know more for his abs than his proficiency with a hammer. No matter how much lip service we pay to the idea that it’s what’s inside that counts, when push comes to shove we want good-looking entertainment.

Sex sells. Embracing that idea is how we know reality and specialty TV is maturing. Check out the rosters of shows like Survivor and the Amazing Race – they’re inordinately skewed towards the buff and beautiful, aspiring actors and models. The majority of the stars of cooking, design, and makeover shows are not just easy-going, they’re easy on the eyes. That’s because TV execs realize that we want a filtered reality. We don’t want to see everyday people in extraordinary situations – we still want reality wrapped up in a pretty package. And that’s why we’ll watch ballroom dancing if there’s a hot guy or girl doing it!

So, to all you aspiring actors and actresses out there, no matter what idea you have for a TV show, pitch it. Because, more and more, it doesn’t matter if the idea’s good – it’s only important that you look good doing it.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Passing a Marker on the Road of Life

Leave a reply

By Jason Menard

The candles have been blown out, the cards have been opened, the well-wishes received, and now I’ve entered birthday purgatory. Today (June 13) I turned the non-descript age of 32 – and I’m left wondering how I should feel and how I should celebrate.

Earlier in our lives, each birthday is an event. And, for some, that sense of celebration continues on year after year, throughout their lives. For others, the passing of each birthday is a depressing reminder of the loss of youth, or the fear of time slipping through our grasp.

Then there are people like me who don’t fit into either camp. While not wallowing in a pit of depression over the addition of another candle to our cake, we’re not much for celebrating our birthdays either. And this feeling of ennui is amplified by the fact that I’m now in this birthday hinterland.

Taking stock of my life to this point, I’m very happy with where I am. I have a wonderful wife and two amazing kids that inspire me and make me laugh each and every day. I have my family and a few close friends, a good job, a roof over my head, and food on the table. Life is good.

Better yet, this past year has seen the waistline recede, the hairline hold its ground, and only a few more grey hairs joining the fray. As the chairman sang, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” All of which could explain why I’m looking at this birthday with all the interest of a road sign on the highway. Interesting as a notification of where we’re heading, these birthdays certainly aren’t worth stopping to admire.

You see, the people who came up with the concept of wedding anniversaries got it right. They knew that, other than the big commemorative years, the majority of those middling years need something to give them a kick in the pants. So, instead of relying on the public to come up with ideas, they decided to take the thought process out of the equation and spoon-feed us celebratory themes. Wood, paper, gold, silver – it’s all laid out for us in easy-to-follow steps.

But what about birthdays? For my kids, each and every passing year is an exciting event. They’re ferociously striving to shed their youth, just as my wife and I work just as hard to hold on to its diminishing vestiges. Then there are the biggies – 13, 16, 18, 19, 21, 25, 30… There’s much to look forward to, and the next big celebration is no more than a few years away.

Then we hit our 30s and we’re stuck in the middle between adulthood and youth. I’m not old enough to be considered a sage, elder statesman, but I’m apparently old enough to see my youth the subject of countless nostalgia specials. I’m not young enough to get away with the follies of youth anymore, but I’m still young enough to feel youthful most of the time – which is a good thing. Best of all, I’m still on the right side of the grass, so I’ve got nothing to complain about.

So where’s my guide? Where’s my Hallmark-created step-by-step guide to aging? How do I best commemorate reaching an age where one day I’ll feel older than my years, and the next I’ll question who decided that I was mature enough to handle a family? Or will the uncertainty of these non-descript birthday years help the transition from youth to maturity?

With that in mind, I tip my hat to the passing of my 32 nd birthday, content in knowing that I’m still racing down the road of life, hoping to get to where I want to go. And as I pass that highway marker saying “40 – 8 years” I know that I don’t have to stop and take stock of the road behind me just yet. I’m not yet where I want to be, but I’m on my way. Besides, where would the fun be if all my goals were already reached? There’s still the open road ahead, with all its twists and turns to both endure and enjoy – and there are thousands of stops that I’ll be making along the way in the future.

But for today, I will pause to appreciate the scenery around me and who my driving companions are. It’s not the final destination that matters, it’s appreciating the route we take to get there.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Hands Off My Memories, Molly Ringwald!

Leave a reply

June 9, 2005 — Really, I don’t know about you, but I know I’ve been sleeping better this week knowing that one of life’s great, unsolved mysteries has come to a close. No, I’m not talking about Mark Felt finally revealing himself to be Deep Throat – I’m talking about the eternal mystery of what ever happened to Samantha Baker!

The uncertainties that have plagued the masses will finally come to an end. Now we will be able to answer those important life questions such as: What every happened to Long Duc Dong? Did Sam pick Jake Ryan or Blaine McDonnagh? Did Farmer Ted and Duckie ever find love?

Or am I getting my John Hughes/Molly Ringwald movies mixed up?

Recent wire reports have shown that Ringwald – now 37 – would like to reprise the role of Samantha Baker in a sequel to the 1984 film Sixteen Candles. She claims that there’s been interest in the past, but it was only recently that she read a script that met her satisfaction and she wanted to star in the movie.

”I’ve turned it down for years. I couldn’t see how it would work,” she said. “Now, it seems right.”

Maybe it’s the cynic in me, but why do I read that quote and see, “OK, I’m so far out of the public eye that I’ve got a standing offer for a spot on the Surreal Life, and my bank account is dwindling rapidly – can I please get a paycheque??”

How often do we see these actors, who are desperately clinging to past glories, decide to sell their souls for one more kick at the can. And why do we, as the buying public, allow our pleasant childhood memories to be ruined by actors pillaging their past in search of the almighty dollar?

Ringwald, and her “Where Are They Now?” compatriots always pay lip service to spending time at home, doing theatre, or whatever other occupation they can come up with to justify their time out of the spotlight. But, despite these high-minded pursuits, they’re seemingly always willing to shed their pretentious airs (almost as fast as whatever scraps of dignity they hold on to) the second a shot at the big time comes around again.

And we, the viewers, are left with the empty feeling and tarnished memories.

Whether you liked John Hughes or not, his movie-making prowess cut a rather wide swath over the popular culture scene in the 80s. Beyond the aforementioned Ringwald star vehicles, Hughes brought Ferris Bueller, the Breakfast Club, and Some Kind of Wonderful to the silver screen. His ability in visualizing a common voice for 80’s youth is almost enough to give him a pass for infesting the world with not one, not two, not three, not four – but five, count ‘em, five Beethoven movies. Almost.

But the thought of revisiting Pretty in Pink would seem to signify a career nadir for all involved — after all, those are pretty shallow waters in which to be fishing for inspiration. People who grew up with these movies are generally polarized in their opinions of them. You either loved Molly growing up you didn’t – and I certainly fell into the latter.

However, I AM a child of the ‘80s. In retrospect, those movies – whether I liked them or not – are part of the fabric from which my popular culture reference is woven. And what those movies — and others like them from that time period – stand up on is not outstanding acting, rich writing, or complicated plots, but rather they are propped up by fond memories, nostalgia, and our general romanticizing of our past.

How often have you held a fond remembrance for a show in your heart, only to have its memory tainted upon a viewing several years later? I used to love TV’s The Greatest American Hero and V – until I saw them again recently. The reality couldn’t stand up to my memories, and a part of my youthful enjoyment was lost.

You would think that we’d have come up with a cure for Sequelitis, but we keep getting afflicted with the disease time after time, bad remake after bad remake. Instead of heeding the once-bitten, twice-shy adage, we desperately cling to the hope that this time, truly, Hollywood will be able to recapture the magic.

But it’s an impossible dream. That magic is borne of a combination of our youth, our memories, and the mollifying effect of time. No matter what strides and advances movie making has made over the years, they’ll never be able to harness the power of our memories.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Embracing a Tradition of Innovation

Leave a reply

By Jason Menard

Good for the NHL for embracing its tradition by taking a serious look at implementing radical changes to the way the game of hockey is played – ironically, much to the chagrin of self-professed traditionalists.

Those who look to reign in change choose to call themselves traditionalists. But, in all truth, they’re revisionists, preferring to look at the game as it was in their youth as the golden age of the sport.

It’s a hue and cry that’s no different than the person who turns on the radio and – channeling the ghosts of generations past – cries out, “What is that infernal caterwauling! Back in my day music was music…” It’s in our nature to believe our memories are the best, and that anything that comes before or after has to be inferior.

You really want to call yourself a traditionalist? Then get up on your puck pulpit and start promoting the return of the rover! How about a throwback to the days where forward passing was prohibited? Why not advocate getting rid of that infernal contraption, added in 1900, that’s done nothing but plague the game ever since – the goal net? Or maybe it’s time that we all recognize what the true tradition of the NHL actually is – a tradition of change.

Since the founding of the league and its precursors, professional hockey has always embraced the idea of change. In fact, during the first half of the 20 th century, significant changes to the way the game was played and officiated came on a regular basis. It was just in the latter half of the century that this movement towards respecting some ephemeral sanctity of the game came to the fore.

The fact of the matter is that the NHL rules are not sacrosanct. Nowhere are they etched in stone. They are like the game is at its best – fluid and dynamic.

For a significant period of the game’s history, its leadership actually worked diligently to make the game better. They understood the need for competitive balance between offence and defence. When penalizing goalies for holding onto a puck stopped making sense, they changed the rules! When they realized that hockey wasn’t rugby on ice and could be a more fast-paced and exciting game, they allowed forward passing.

They revolutionized the game on a regular basis, understanding that doing something “because that’s the way it’s always been done” wasn’t good enough. Yet, during our recent history, we’ve paralyzed the game’s growth with the mentality that hockey’s rules are scripture – only to be interpreted, never modified.

And now, thanks to a mass fan exodus caused by the lockout, that attitude seems to be changing. Understanding that fans are angry and need to be wooed back to the rink when this labour stoppage (or whatever the euphemism of the day is) is over, the NHL’s brain trust is making serious inroads towards revamping the game with its three-day research and development camp.

Larger nets, smaller pads, no red line, wider blue lines – it’s all up for grabs! Even the radical idea that a game should actually result in a winner is being embraced. Yet the traditionalists – sorry, revisionists – are already starting with the idea that a shootout disrespects the history of the game. The hypocrisy of the argument that shootouts turn a team game into a contest of individuals should be exposed when we look at the fact that these same self-professed traditionalists are trying to find ways to curb the trap and limit defence – two shining examples of teamwork at its best.

Today’s coaching is better than ever before. Today’s athletes are in better condition and are more educated about their athletic potential. Yesterday’s rules aren’t adequate on their own. The players and coaches have evolved, yet they game’s rules are being exposed for being antiquated – and they’re weighing down the game’s ability to reach its potential.

The NHL is showing that it’s serious about making significant changes to the game. And while the revisionists can sit back in their chairs and grumble about how much things were better in “the day,” the rest of us can applaud as hockey’s true tradition of innovation is once again coming to the fore – and the idea of change for the betterment of the game is no longer blasphemy.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Federal Liberals May Be Buoyed by Landry’s Resignation

Leave a reply

By Jason Menard

Navigating through the murky waters of a minority government and weighed down by the anchor that is the Gomery inquiry, Paul Martin has just been thrown a life preserver by the least-likely source possible.

Mr. Prime Minister, next time you’re in your home riding of Ville Emard, make sure you make a side trip to say merci to Mr. Bernard Landry.

The Parti Quebecois’ leader decided this weekend to step down after receiving a less-than-enthusiastic 76.2 per cent support from the party’s delegates during its leadership review. His decision to gracefully step away leaves a void in separatist leadership – a void that would probably best be filled by one man, Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe.

The lure of the PQ post may be too much for Duceppe to resist. While politicians for other parties often look to move from provincial politics to the federal ranks, Quebec separatists know the true seat of separatist power doesn’t lie on Parliament Hill – it is firmly entrenched in Quebec City’s National Assembly.

The call of the PQ leadership is enticing for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that Duceppe could take control of a party that is not in power. Quebec Liberal leader Jean Charest is under no obligation to 2008 and is not exactly enjoying exalted status in the province.

The Parti Quebecois is at its most effective when it doesn’t have to worry about little things like actually running a province. Without the distractions caused by the compromises and sacrifices that a ruling Party needs to make to effectively govern a province, Duceppe could ride his wave of popularity back into the province and spend the next three years promoting the sovereigntist cause without actually having to be accountable for anything. He could use his gift for rhetoric and charisma to chip away at the ruling Liberal government and to build momentum for the separatist movement.

And Quebecers’ collective memories are long. With a federal government in turmoil, a provincial Liberal party that’s struggling to make inroads with the soft separatists, the PQ is poised for a return to power – and Duceppe knows that it may be time to strike while the iron is hot. Who else has the record and the charisma to take the reins? Certainly not Pauline Marois and her $400,000 taxpayer-funded renovated bathrooms (complete with silent toilets). Anyone else is just a pretender to the throne should Duceppe decide to accept his coronation.

After all, how much more can he do on the federal level? He has shown that he is a competent statesman and an effective thorn in the side of the government. He has displayed the poise and grace that his federal counterparts only wish they could — Duceppe’s performances in the two national debates left his three opponents choking in his exhaust. And he’s raised the profile of the Bloc, with the help of some Liberal blundering, to lofty heights. A virtual sweep of the province of Quebec would be almost assured in the next federal election should he remain at the helm.

But therein lies the problem. By leaving the federal forum for the provincial arena, Duceppe would be filling one void only to create another. A fall federal election would likely coincide with a fall PQ leadership convention. Duceppe would have to make the choice, and should he make the politically savvy move to provincial politics, he would leave his federal party struggling to find a leader in its time of need – a scenario that would play right into the Liberals hands.

The Bloc and the PQ are parties that thrive on charisma. Rene Levesque had it, Lucien Bouchard had it, and Duceppe has shown he has it as well. But there’s no one else on the horizon that displays the same je-ne-sais-quoi that the position requires. And the loss of that X-factor on the federal level could make the difference in a handful of ridings – which could make all the difference in a fall federal election.

The ideal situation for separatists is to convince Landry to retake the reigns and guide his party through the coming federal election. With no provincial vote on the horizon, there is no urgency for a change in leadership. Landry could steward the PQ through the federal election, which would allow Duceppe to focus on continuing the momentum the Bloc has enjoyed up to now.

After the election, Landry could announce his resignation and Duceppe could, at that time, ride in on his white horse to spin his magic with the provincial party. But would Landry be able to subjugate his pride for the betterment of his party? That’s a question only he can answer.

If he doesn’t, then Prime Minister Martin should make sure Landry’s added to his special Christmas card list – along with Belinda Stronach – of former adversaries who have helped keep his government afloat.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved