Author Archives: Jay Menard

Folding the Tent on the Idea of Camping

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By Jason Menard

I can’t tell if I’m just getting old, getting fussier, or just getting smarter, but when it comes to getting out and experiencing the great outdoors, I’ll be avoiding the local campgrounds, thank you very much!

I hope I can be forgiven for expressing such a blasphemous sentiment in this Great White Northern land of ours. For many Canadians getting back to the woods is supposed to be a panacea for our urban sins — way of renewing ourselves and getting back to our roots.

Well, I’m sorry but I have no interest in channeling my inner coureur de bois! I have no interest in getting away from it all – in fact, I’m quite happy being plugged in, wired, and connected to the modern conveniences. And it’s not that I’m incapable of camping. I can do it, have done it, and will probably end up doing it again because we have friends that think it’s fun – but it’s certainly not my idea of a good time.

In fact, I can find a million things better to do than to sit and eat in the dirt, swatting away the mosquitoes, flies, and other winged companions that share the Great Outdoors with us. No matter how good roasted marshmallows may taste, they’re not worth everything else that comes with camping.

If fact, when you get right down to it, camping is downright anti-Darwinistic! Our society has progressed to the point where we don’t need to sleep on the floor anymore! That’s why we created motels, guest bedrooms, and day-trips – all to avoid the inconvenience of sleeping on a hard, dirt-covered, floor.

I suppose my problem isn’t with the hard core campers – the ones for whom the word portage means more than carrying the cooler from the minivan to the 10-person luxury tent. There’s a certain appreciation for heading north, far away from the modern world, and testing yourself against the rigours of nature in its pure form. Just you, your backpack, and the open wilderness.

What I don’t like is that pseudo-camping in which most of us engage. The one where we find a not-so-quiet place, just outside of the city, where campers are piled up one on top of the other in a circular formation around the public washroom. This type of pre-fab camping – finger-quotes may be required – is our city-dweller way of getting back to it all, without being too inconvenienced.

It is painfully obvious that modern technology and modern conveniences has completely stripped away any of the remaining façade that camping is actually an outdoorsy event. When visiting family friends who were at a campground, I wandered over to the communal washroom (complete with dish-washing station!) Along the well-carved path, I was able to check out the campground’s other residents.

Whether they were in their modern trailers, playing their hand-held games, talking on their cell phones, or pulling out frosty beverages from their electric coolers, the concept of camping seemed to be getting lost in the translation. In fact, one couple were sitting at their park-supplied picnic table enjoying a dinner of fine cheeses washed down with a bottle of red wine – a far cry from beans in a can cooked over an open fire, washed down with questionable water! If there’s no fear of dysentery, then it’s not really camping now, is it?

This type of not-too-roughing it only cheapens the actual experience for me. We’ve sanitized camping to the point where it’s nothing more than a suburban getaway. Fortunately, camping was not something my wife and I did often, as neither of us really enjoyed it. And in our youth, camping was often used more for providing a more exotic place to drink and party with friends than it was to commune with nature.

But when you strip away the numbing effects of beer, what exactly are you left with? Dirt, discomfort, and the burning desire to get back home to a hot shower, a cold beverage, and all the comforts of home. If I want to commune with nature, I can take a walk through the woods, sit alongside a lake, or just lie in the grass staring at the trees and the sky – I don’t need to head off to an overcrowded campground for that.

So next time I decide to go for that authentic modern camping experience, I’ll simply fire up the grill in the backyard, throw myself on the ground and roll around in the dirt, and sleep on the floor – it’ll be just like being there!

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

The Great One Helps NHL Dodge a Bullet

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By Jason Menard

Lordy be! Did you hear? The Great One is back on a NHL bench? He’s stepped down from the front office to lead the Phoenix Coyotes to the Promised Land! All is right in the NHL! The prodigal son has return! Call the heralds, shout it from the rooftops!

Oh, and by the way, Todd Bertuzzi’s allowed to play again. But did we tell you about Wayne?

What’s that old song about a spoon full of sugar? Whether intentional or not, and only a select few know for sure, the NHL took advantage of the positive vibes and noise created by its biggest media event in years to overwhelm the announcement of an unsavoury bit of resolved business.

If you have forgotten – and that’s hard to believe considering the footage was, and is once again, in a constant loop on the various sporting channels. But the gist of it is that the Vancouver Canucks’ forward viciously and thuggishly attacked the Colorado Avalanche’s Steve Moore from behind, driving his face into the ice, pummeling his helpless opponent, and potentially ending his career.

And after the NHL puffed itself up and expelled a lot of hot air announcing that strict suspensions would be in order and this matter would be taken seriously, what was the actual penalty? A handful of regular season games – 13 in total — and a post-season series.

That’s it. Forget this 17-month suspension to which the league is referring. That total conveniently neglects the fact that all the players were locked out for a majority of that time. Sure, he missed out on a few international events, but his participation in the NHL – what really matters to pro hockey players – was barely affected.

So, in the end, when all the rhetoric is stripped away, reality is examined, and the actual punishment is tallied up, potentially ending a player’s career through a vicious and intentional act gets you a slap on the wrist – basically Bertuzzi was sent into the corner for a short time out and is now allowed back to play with the rest of the kids. Well, all except Moore, whose future is still in question.

Thank goodness Wayne decided to come back. The star power, goodwill, and sheer popularity of The Great One is once again enough to save the NHL from itself again.

Despite all the goodwill engendered by the league coming to terms with its players, despite all the positive feelings spread throughout the league by former also-rans now playing on a level field with the big boys, despite the renewed excitement in the league generated by an unprecedented free agent frenzy, the brain trust of the NHL is still unable to stop shooting itself in the foot.

I don’t know Bertuzzi from a hole in the ground, but everything I’ve seen, heard, and read about the man – until that fateful event – was positive. Even after the incident, he has appeared to be genuinely apologetic and remorseful.

But that incident, while not unforgivable, is unforgettable. At a time when the league should be reveling in newfound potential, clips of the Bertuzzi incident are what are running on the sports shows. Instead of focusing on a feel-good story like Gretzky’s return, the talk shows will be rife with discussion of Bertuzzi’s suspension.

This was an opportunity for the league to show true leadership. A longer suspension would have been well received by fans and media alike. It would have proved a point that the league’s memory is long, and that transgressions of this nature will not be tolerated. But even if NHL’s brass had decided on Bertuzzi’s reinstatement, did they really need to smudge the polish that Wayne Gretzky provided on a banner day? Was there any pressing reason to announce a reinstatement?

The only logical, yet still illogical, reason for this was that the NHL was hoping to slide the news of Bertuzzi’s reinstatement under the radar, hoping that the sheer wattage produced by Gretzky’s shining image would be enough to blind everyone from this other bit of business.

Unfortunately for them that didn’t completely happen. And instead of being a day solely about Wayne, the Phoenix Coyotes, and the league welcoming back one of its greats, it turned into a day where certain bad memories, bad feelings, and bad tastes were left in the mouths of everyone that considers themselves a hockey fan.

Eventually Todd Bertuzzi should have been allowed to return – but timing is everything and it appears that the NHL still has some lessons to learn about that.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

You’ve Got to Have Faith

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By Jason Menard

In a world increasingly divided by religion, perhaps we should be focusing on the spirit behind religion that has the power to unite us all.

We’ve seen our current global landscape rife with turmoil that’s, in large part, founded on religious differences. And we can’t even make the claim that this is an unprecedented event, because our world has been shaped over thousands of years by religious conflict.

At the same time as many of today’s North American youth have turned away from organized religion, religious fervour exists as a driving force in our world. Whether it’s recent reports of a Jewish soldier killing Arabs due to his opposition to the Gaza Strip pullout, or Al Qaeda leadership brandishing Islam as a weapon, or fears of the religious right dominating U.S. policy, our secular world is impacted greatly by the intervention of religious influence.

On a macroscopic scale, we find ourselves wondering if religions can truly co-exist on this planet. The challenges and the history seem so daunting that there often doesn’t seem to be a way to find a peaceful, harmonious co-existence. But hope for a better future is there when you look on a microscopic level. Despite our difference, we’re able to peacefully and happily co-exist amongst our friends of different faiths, so why does that grass-roots tolerance not trickle up?

I can’t ascribe to any more religion any more than I can sign up for a political party – I just don’t believe strongly in any one perspective that I would be willing to drink the Kool-Aid. However, while I can’t hold hard and fast to one God and one religion, the basic undertones and themes present in a majority of these religions speak to me not only on a spiritual level, but on an intellectual level.

Raised in a relatively Christian family, I turned my back on organized religion during high school and never looked back. While I respected others’ need to find solace in a God, I was unable to believe – or feel – that sort of presence in my life. But far from reject religion outright and entering into a hedonistic lifestyle without remorse, I chose to appreciate the underlying themes and messages that the Bible was trying to teach.

And, as I’ve aged, I’ve had the pleasure to learn more about other religions. I can proudly boast friends from across the religious spectrum: Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu – and I’ve tried to learn more about their lifestyle and appreciate their devotion. What I’ve learned is that while many of the religions of the world differ in their icons and dogma, they hold a basic common set of principles dear.

Essentially, what most of our world’s religions preach is the idea of being good people. Whether it’s doing good deeds to promote the glory of God or engaging in Shabbat or Ramadan observances to cleanse our souls, these actions are, at their very base, designed to improve us all as people. The Ten Commandments aren’t a revelation, they’re simply common sense.

As I age, I appreciate the words that the noted religious prophet, George Michael, once sang: “You’ve Got to Have Faith.” I find myself embracing the spiritual nature of humanity – one that is often defined by religion, but is not exclusive to religion. There is a spirit that moves us, and whether you believe it’s the Tao, Karma, or the will of a Creator, we’ve all been given this gift of life and we should be celebrating it, not squandering it.

Unfortunately, religious understanding seems to be a limited proposition. There are reasons that politics and religion are topics to be avoided in casual conversation. I have been told I’m going to Hell because of my lack of belief in a higher power, but – to be honest – if God’s going to punish me for not believing in him (or her) then that’s not a God I want to party with in the afterlife.

If I’m wrong, then I hope that whichever god greets me once I shuffle off this mortal coil will look at the life I’ve led. By no means have I been perfect, but I’ve tried – and continue to try – to be a good person, do right by my family, and appreciate others for who they are and what they bring to this global potluck.

On the other side, some of the so-called saved or chosen ones are the same that are killing in the name of their god, or discriminate against other members of the human race based on colour, race, sexual orientation, or religious affiliation. Essentially it comes down to the company you want to keep when (or if) we reach the afterlife. If I’ve got to spend the ever after with the same type of people I try to avoid on Earth, then I’ll choose to hang out in purgatory, thank you very much.

Yet, for the majority of us, we’re able to appreciate each other’s differences in beliefs. Other people’s beliefs are not something to fear, but rather something to learn from and appreciate.

Although I can be accused of over-simplifying deep-rooted issues, the fact of the matter is that we need to rebuild our relationships from the ground up. And there’s no better way of doing so than building upon the essential foundations that religion, spirituality, and belief offer – that of tolerance, compassion, and respect for humanity.

We have to start somewhere. And instead of destroying the world in the name of religion, we can choose to honour whatever god you believe in by making the world a better place to live through love, understanding, and appreciation for one another.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

No Time to Weight for a Magic Bullet

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By Jason Menard

With the announcement that Atkins Nutritionals has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in the U.S., yet another magic bullet has missed its mark. And yet we still haven’t learned that the solution for weight loss won’t come with a bang – rather it arrives, as always, with the tried and true whimper, grunt, and groan.

People have turned their backs on the Atkins revolution, just as they have with any number of fad diets that have dotted the landscape and are revealed off the covers of countless magazines. But instead of making the sensible decision to do what’s right, we’ll all stumble blindly to the next fad diet – justifying it as the right one!

The next big thing in diet is actually an older revelation – glycemic index – and many of us will be walking around with our GI calculators, anticipating insulin surges, and doing mathematical calculations to see what and how much we can eat. But instead of mental gymnastics, maybe we should get off our butts and engage in some physical gymnastics.

The problem is that we are a society driven by instant gratification – that’s how many of us got these extra pounds in the first place. If it tastes good we want to eat it, and hang the consequences. That is until our shirts fit us a little tighter and we have to move to the next notch on our belts.

Years of less-than-stellar eating habits brought me to a point in my life where I was less buff muscle man and more Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. My father’s emergency bypass and my own elevated triglyceride levels later, I completely changed my diet and dropped a small child within a couple of months.

I was one of the lucky ones in that, with minimal effort and sensible eating, I was able to drop 40 pounds in a very quick period of time. But that was a couple of years ago and that little extra padding I have around my waist persistently refuses to leave. While I haven’t gained from that day, I haven’t lost either, and there are still a few inches that could stand to disappear.

So why are they sticking around? Because I’m lazy. I go to the gym to do physio for a shoulder injury, but I don’t take the opportunity to exercise my gut as much as I should. I do cardio as a matter of course, but I don’t have the dedication it takes to make the full commitment that living a healthy lifestyle demands.

And I’m not alone in this. Look around you and you’ll see countless people that talk a good game about losing weight, but never end up getting off the bench.

Essentially, we all want it to be as easy to take off the pounds as it was to put them on. That’s why energy bars are so popular! If a Snickers satisfies, then a protein bar may take those pounds off the thighs. But what we forget is that the protein in those bars is intended to help build and repair muscle that’s been under stress from exercise. If the most we’re doing physically is lifting a remote, then that protein’s not just going to waste – it’s going to our waist!

We sit around begging science to come up with the one pill that will solve our weight management problems. We want our diet to be purged like a Catholic’s soul at confession — we want our dietary sins to be absolved instantaneously! That’s why we gobble conjugated linoleic acid supplements or turn to herbal treatments like TrimSpa and Herbal Magic – in the hopes that science can counteract the effects of that extra piece of cheesecake.

The thing is that science has already answered our call. It has proven that a sensible diet, combined with regular exercise is all the majority of us need to do to stay in shape.

And dieters are the worst offenders of all. How many times have you overheard a group of people complaining about how hard it is to stay on their diet. How many of these people are doomed to failure because they’re depriving themselves to the point where cheating on their diet isn’t just an option, it’s an inevitability.

Instead of being dumbbells, we need to lift a few. There is no magic bullet. There is no restrictive diet that’s going to magically melt away the pounds long-term on its own. The chips-and-dip diet is not around the corner, so we need to stop waiting for it to come (especially since most of us are too sedentary to get up and go look for it!).

We have to face the truth that just because we don’t like the answer that’s in front of us, doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. Instead of waiting for that magic bullet, it’s time to actually bite it and get on with our lives.

While Atkins may go bankrupt, we don’t have the luxury of letting our bodies to the same. The path to better health has been clearly laid out in front of us for years. There’s no magic to it – just honest exertion, sweat, and hard work. There’s nothing sexy about it. There’s no magic bullet. But maybe, just maybe, we can forget about the fads, take a step in the right direction, and stop shooting ourselves in the foot.

If we don’t do something about our worsening health and expanding waistlines, then our next step may just put us one foot in the grave.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved

Tanks for the Memories

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By Jason Menard

While filling up my tank in Montreal, I came to the realization that gas companies have us, both literally and figuratively, over a barrel.

I realized how bad the situation has gotten during a recent fill-up. Oh, how naïve I was when, leaving Ontario just last week, I grumbled about filling up with prices in the mid-80s. Little did I know what was awaiting me in la belle province.

Like a mountain climber that sets up a camp to acclimatize to the higher elevations, my family made a stop in the Ottawa-Gatineau region before continuing on our merry way. While the prices were in the low-90s, they served as a buffer for what I was to experience hitting Montreal.

104.9.

Unfortunately, that’s not the frequency of the radio station I was listening to. That was the price of gas staring at me from every Petro-Canada, Ultramar, and Esso on and off the island. I mean, I was ready to get out and push the car the rest of the way when I saw that. I didn’t even know those signs could hold three numbers before the period, but apparently they do.

But it wasn’t the price itself that discouraged me. It was how I reacted to it. The fact that when, mid-week, well past midnight, I found an out-of-the-way station that was selling gas for 94.9, I essentially broke out into a little petroleum-fuelled happy dance and — for a moment — I felt like I had found a portal to an on-ramp to Nirvana. I was actually able to look at a mid-90s price and say to myself, “Hey, that’s pretty cheap!”

I hit rock bottom when, the very next day, I took pleasure in watching others filling up at 104.9. I was engaging in a sort of sweet crude schadenfreude. It was at that time I realized how far gone we are. And that no matter how high the gas prices go, we’ll always find a way to happily pay the petroleum premium, as long as someone else, somewhere is paying more.

I’ve heard the arguments about how lucky we are in North America to essentially pay half of what our compatriots in Europe shell out for gas. But to me – and the majority of other vehicle owners in North America, that luxury is taken for granted. We’re used to paying well under a buck for a litre of gas and, judging by the grumbling at the pump, we’re not willing to give up that right.

However, the human mind has a great way to rationalize each and every purchase. We’ve seen our gas prices rise steadily each and every day. We’ve gone from grumbling about paying in the 70s to grumbling about paying in the 80s. Ontarians have grumbled about the rising costs of fuelling up, but happily do so with the idea that “at least we’re not paying Quebec or East Coast prices!”

But our costs are rising. And I think the gas companies have figured it out! Sure, they may send the prices skyrocketing by five or more cents one day, and we’ll all be up in a lather about it. But as prices ease up a bit – not back to their original threshold, but down a few pennies here and there – we grow accustomed to the inflated price and justify the cost by saying, “well, it’s cheaper than it was last week”

Yet today’s sticker shock-inducing price is tomorrow’s wistful memory. Fuelling up in the 60s and 70s used to be a travesty – now those prices are nothing more than fond sepia-tinged remembrances.

As drivers we all get into a huff about the rising cost of gas. We grouse and grumble about gas taxes, rising costs, and make off-hand comments about how the government needs to step in and do something about it. But we never really get mad enough to prompt any sort of action. At the same time as we fret and fume about the rising cost of gas, we’re digging in deeper into our pockets to find the cash to pay for our on-the-go lifestyle.

No matter how much we may try to conserve, drive smaller cars, or find alternative sources of transportation, we seem to have come to the same conclusion as a society: there’s really nothing we can do about the price of gas, so it’s time to put up and shut up.

So maybe I shouldn’t look upon the times that I fill up in Quebec as an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence. Perhaps I shouldn’t be shaking my head in disbelief, but rather nod my head in sage appreciation for the look into the future that I’ve been granted. After all, day-by-day, month-by-month, and price jump by price jump, we’re probably all going to be seeing four digits on our fuel pumps in the not-too-distance future.

After all, we may be over the same barrel, but as long as someone else is in a more uncomfortable position, we’ll be OK with our lot in life.

2005 © Menard Communications – Jason Menard All Rights Reserved